


Look into the Sun

by agrivex



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-02
Updated: 2012-11-02
Packaged: 2017-11-17 12:06:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 22,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agrivex/pseuds/agrivex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After destroying the Reapers, Shepard desperately tries to rebuild the galaxy she fell in love with – and to restore artificial life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Created for the 2012 Mass Effect Big Bang
> 
>  
> 
> fanmix by [ wantthepharaohs](http://wantthepharaohs.tumblr.com/post/34839773629/science-vs-romance-a-fanmix-inspired-by-look)  
> 

Shepard chucked another rock into the darkness and stopped to admire the way the thick dust that clouded the air swirled in the rock’s wake. Then she coughed, choking on the ashy residue. “Show-off,” she gasped. She sucked her breath through her teeth as she saw how her exertions had soaked the makeshift bandage around her waist. After she loosened the next rock, she angled it to roll down the pile of rubble with a less dramatic push.

She was making progress, but the more she uncovered, the more her suspicions seemed certain; she was stuck. Beneath the chunks of shattered cement, a massive slab trapped her right leg. _You either claw your way out of the rock with your bare hands, or you die,_ the memory of Bakara said. Shepard groaned, but continued to roll away the rubble, piece by piece.

 _You learn to appreciate the light by living in the dark,_ Memory Bakara intoned. Shepard growled, forgetting her caution, and threw the next rock across the room. “Dammit, Bakara, I don’t need shamanic wisdom right now. Biotics would be great. Explosives would do.” Shepard twisted her left leg and, grabbing it with both hands, she pulled it from the loose rock. She let out a yell of triumph, promptly followed by a yelp of pain. After several panting, trembling breaths, Shepard turned her attention to her trapped leg. It hurt like hell, which she took to be a good sign. But she could move neither it nor the concrete slab.

_Take it as a reminder, Commander. In the darkest hour—_

“There is always a way out. Got it. Got it, got it,” she said. “Where’s that damn crystal?”

Shepard checked every pocket she could reach and then rolled her eyes. The crystal was almost certainly trapped with her leg. “You know I don’t believe in this mystical crap, Eve,” Shepard shouted into the darkness.

_A simple crystal. But it became my chisel._

“Yeah, I know. I need the crystal to chisel myself out.” Shepard rubbed her forehead with a grimy hand and tried to take inventory of everything she had on her. There were three pockets on her right side, one at her thigh, one just below her knee, and one at her ankle tucked into her boot. If she had the crystal on her, it was probably in that last one. She’d kept it as a keepsake, not as something she’d need easily at hand.

She twisted her body so she could try to burrow alongside her leg and wiggle her arm down. Her fingers quickly caught the large pocket at her thigh, but found nothing. She shifted again and kept digging, slowly shifting smaller rocks to make space for her hand. With every handful of debris, Shepard stopped and held her breath, listening for the slightest sound of shifting rock.

She reached the second pocket and painstakingly unfastened each snap. Her questing fingers felt something hard and cool. “Ah!” she bit back the yell, but then cursed as she realized she’d found only a spare grenade. Well, she did ask for explosives. Probably lethal, but worth a try if nothing else worked. She slowly worked her hand back up to free the grenade but felt the rocks begin to slip. She yanked her hand out just as her little tunnel collapsed on itself.

“Shit,” said Shepard. She closed her eyes and breathed, trying to calm the panicked beating of her heart. _I started digging the wrong way._ Shepard didn’t bother to respond. She twisted and began again from the other side, a far more awkward approach. This time, she tried to shore up the slab, carefully slotting smaller rocks into gaps and twisting by small degrees to keep her weight balanced. Shepard herself was half under the slab by the time her fingers reached the top of her boot. She carefully tugged at the clasps, knowing that another collapse would likely trap her entirely. She poked one finger into the top of her boot, into the last pocket, and she touched the crystal. Shepard contained her elation to a whispered “Yes, yes,” and began the slow process of pulling herself out from under the slab.

She sat up and grinned at the crystal in triumph. And then realized that in all her careful inching and squirming, she’s managed to work her leg free.

“You are one tricky krogan, Bakara,” Shepard said.

_Wisdom comes from pain._

“Enough!”

_Quit bitching, Shepard. I got you out didn’t I?_

Shepard rubbed her head, wondering just how far into delusion she’d managed to work herself. She took a deep breath and surveyed her new situation. She had no idea where she was. It didn’t look like the same part of the Citadel where she and Anderson had faced the Illusive Man, where the Catalyst— She shut down that thought. Anyway, she hadn’t really known where that was, either. Was she even on the Citadel? Where the hell was there cement on the Citadel?

She tried to open her omni-tool again but still got nothing but a quick flicker and a low buzz. Shepard grabbed the grenade and stashed it back in her pocket. She stood slowly, testing her weight first on her left and then on her right leg. She wasn’t going to go anywhere fast, but she could move. For a while.

Nothing to do but pick a direction. She began to walk. After a few steps, she found her pistol. She stooped to pick it up and checked the ammo. Empty. It still felt good to have its weight in her hand, though. As she straightened, she thought she saw a faint, flickering light. No, not flickering. Bobbing. Like a flashlight.

“Hey,” Shepard tried to yell but croaked instead. “Hey!” She started limping in the direction of light. She rounded a large pile of debris and came face-to-face with a floating white camerabot.

“Hi there, little guy.” The bot’s light brightened and its lens spun, trying to focus in the gloom and dust. “What are you doing down here?”

“Commander Shepard?” A sharp, precise female voice came through the bot’s speaker. “Oh my God, Shepard. What— Are you hurt?”

Shepard peered into the camera lens as if she could see back through. “Khalisah? Is that you?”

“Yes, Shepard. Are you hurt?”

“No. I mean, yeah. Kinda. I’m not bleeding out or anything, and I can move, but...I’m injured and have no idea where I am.”

“Okay. Follow the camerabot as long as you can. Don’t be a tough guy, Shepard. Stop when you need to. Stop before you need to. I’m coming, and it will be a lot easier to get you out of there if I don’t have to carry all of your weight.”

“Right. I can do that. Khalisah—” Shepard exhaled and placed her hand on the chirping little bot. “Thanks.”

“Hang on, Shepard. I’m coming.”

***

Leaning heavily on Khalisah, Shepard limped into the makeshift base and then slumped against the nearest wall. There were about two dozen people scattered around room working on equipment. Others were running in, dropping off or picking up something, and running out again. “Where are we?” Shepard asked.

“C-Sec bunker. Bailey set it up after the first Cerberus attack. Most of us came down here, or to another like it, as soon as the Illusive Man and his goons showed up. Those who didn't—" Khalisah’s focus turned inward and she looked like she might vomit. Shepard reached out to take Khalisah’s hand. The woman looked up again, her voice calm, reporting. “You've seen the corpses. We have a few teams searching the tunnels for survivors. Food, medical supplies, communications devices. Making contact with someone off the Citadel is our first priority. Assuming there is anyone to communicate with.” Khalisah gave Shepard a long, considering look. “Is there anything you can tell us about that?”

“I can tell you what I know, but it won't answer your question.” Everyone stopped working. Some turned to look at Shepard. Others just closed their eyes. “The coordinated attack of the fleet ended with Admiral Anderson and me reaching the Citadel. Anderson...died, but we were able to open the arms of the Citadel so the fleet could attach the Crucible. That was the last point of communication I had with the fleet and with Admiral Hackett. Then I—” Shepard stopped and looked down at her hands. “I activated the Crucible to destroy the Reapers. The last thing I remember was the explosion that caused.

“I have no way of knowing if it worked,” she admitted. “I’m not sure how much we can trust in the Crucible’s design. The Catalyst was not what I expected.”

Shepard looked at each of the survivors silently taking in her words. A salarian was wringing his hands together, looking frantically between two of his companions. A hanar pulsed in a way Shepard had come to associate with excitement. A human man just stared blankly at her. Near the back of the room, Shepard caught sight of a familiar asari pushing her way forward. Aethyta met Shepard's gaze for a moment, then mouthed, "Liara?"

Shepard shook her head apologetically and whispered, "I don't know—."

“So all the Reapers could be dead?” a turian wearing a C-Sec uniform broke the silence as he handed Shepard a pack of medi-gel.

Shepard shrugged. “It’s what the big red button was supposed to do.”

“I think it’s true,” Commander Bailey pushed to the room, a tight grin on his face.

“Bailey!” Shepard answered his grin with her own and pushed herself away from the wall. She grabbed his outstretched hand with both of her own and then tried not to wince when he clapped her on the shoulder.

“Every husk, marauder, banshee, the lot of those abominations. Every single one that we’ve come across is dead. And we’ve had reports from civilians who saw them just go down after that explosion. You did it, Commander.”

“We did it,” she said. Then she asked, “Have you encountered any geth?”

Bailey shook his head. “No. But I’m not sure any were even on the Citadel. Why—?”

“Khalisah, I think I’ve got a link to Westerlund’s comm buoy!” A human woman with chin-length blonde hair handed the reporter a datapad. Then she shrieked and leapt at Shepard, crushing her in a hug.

“Great work, Felicia.” Khalisah opened her omni-tool and began to tap out a sequence of commands while Shepard tried to free herself from the stranger.

“Careful! Watch the broken...lots of things—” she trailed off and looked closely at the woman now bouncing on the balls of her feet. She couldn't quite place her, but there was something about that perfect bow shape of her upper lip.

“It’s me! Kelly! Wow, my disguise must be really good. I had to hide from Cerberus, you know. I’ve been working with the refugees here on the Citadel. I can’t believe we never ran into each other. I heard news stories about you every day.”

“Kelly?” Shepard’s voice cracked on the second syllable, but Kelly smiled and nodded. She reached out to touch a jagged scar on Kelly’s cheek and saw it was a clever prosthetic. Shepard pulled her into a tight embrace and blinked the moisture from her eyes.

“This is Khalisah bint Sinan al-Jilani with Westerlund News. I am on the Citadel with members of C-Sec and a large group of survivors. Is there anyone out there receiving this transmission?”

The comms responded with static. Everyone seemed to hold their breath, straining to hear a response. Khalisah began to repeat her message, but was interrupted.

“This is Operations Chief Okoro with the Fifth Fleet.” The room burst into applause and cheers. Kelly squeezed Shepard tighter and Bailey threw an arm around her shoulders. “We have received your message, Ms. al-Jilani. We are analyzing your position to determine the best time and location for evac. Admiral Hackett has ordered several rescue teams to search for other survivors. Please transmit any intel you have on the current conditions of the Citadel.”

“Thank you, Chief. Uploading data now. We’ll await instructions. Also, please inform Admiral Hackett that we’ve found Commander Shepard.” She smiled at her own cynicism as she cut the transmission “I thought it might hurry them up a bit.“


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard woke up, but didn't open her eyes. The bed in this hospital was ridiculously comfortable, which fit with the general aesthetic aboard the Destiny Ascension. A good place to coalesce. Shepard rolled over on her side and buried her nose into her pillow.

Keeping her eyes closed, she lazily ran her finger down and over contours of the mattress. In her mind, her finger traced over the warm skin of Kaidan's shoulder and down along his arm. She imagined him shifting closer to her as she splayed her fingers over his waist, his breath catching a little as she looked at him.

When she really tried, she could imagine his hand on the back of her head, fingers tangling in her hair. She matched her breath to the slow, deep rhythm she recalled falling asleep to so many nights. She could almost feel the back of his finger brushing along her jaw, tilting her chin upwards. Feel his hot breath on her cheek as he whispered.

_Don't leave me behind._

Shepard threw off her blankets and sat up, her heart racing. She closed her eyes and tried to get her jangling senses back under control. She focused on the rhythms of the ship: the gentle revving hum, the soft voices and steps of asari doctors as they walked up and down the hall, the heavier pacing and rough throat-clearing of the Alliance guard outside her door.

Feeling more grounded in reality, Shepard dressed, made a cup of coffee, and then sat in a chair by the window looking over one of the huge tree-filled plazas on the ship. The way each tree was isolated in a little box, no stray leaf or twig beneath it, reminded her of the Presidium.

Breakfast came and went, ushered by a polite nursing student. Shepard noticed they still weren't giving her knives. She checked the time on her omni-tool. The time was one of the only pieces of information its programmed restraints would give her. Fifteen minutes before Hackett was due to arrive. He'd stopped by only once before, on the day of Shepard’s rescue amidst the flurry of doctors and a battery of tests, to thank her for her actions on Earth and the Citadel. In the meantime, Shepard had been kept in careful isolation, visited only by Alliance officials carefully recording every detail Shepard could recall.

Shepard's eyes darted around the room as she became more and more agitated by her thoughts. The Council's caution should have lasted two hours, not two days. What the hell did they think she'd done? No, even they couldn't hold any consequences of the war against her. It had to be political. There was something they didn't want her to say.

A blur in the air above her bed caught her attention. Shepard kept her expression blank as she reached for a little metal cup sitting beside her chair and threw it in the direction of the blur. Shepard grasped for another projectile as an invisible form hopped off the bed. “Wait,” a woman's voice called out. There was a faint buzz as the air at the foot of the bed rippled and Kasumi's crouched form became visible. She looked up at Shepard with a smile and said, “Hey Shep.”

“Kasumi!” Shepard tried to leap up from her chair, but her right leg, still numb, gave out under her. She caught herself on the edge of the bed. “Ah, sorry.”

Kasumi laughed brightly and hugged Shepard, at the same time maneuvering her back into her chair. “Sit down. You shouldn’t strain yourself.”

Shepard made a dismissive gesture and scoffed. “I’m fine. Most of my implants are functional enough. It’s mostly just the healing bones I need to keep an eye on.”

“Well, you look terrible.” Kasumi crossed her arms over her chest. “So, how have you been?”

“Has my report been made public yet? Because that would just about cover it.”

“Only al-Jilani’s been reporting on you, and the Council is claiming that’s not, hmm, 'comprehensive' was the word they used.”

“No, I suppose it isn’t. Well, maybe I'll get a chance to slip her the full story. I probably owe her an exclusive.”

Kasumi sat back on the bed with her legs tucked under her. She said nothing, alternating between watching Shepard and looking with interest around the room.

“O-kay,” said Shepard. “What brings you here?”

Kasumi shrugged, “They said you couldn’t have visitors. I figured that must be driving you crazy, so I came to visit.”

“Good. What happened to the Normandy?”

All of Kasumi's bravado crumbled as she bowed her head. “I don’t know, Shep. I almost didn’t come because I don’t know. There hasn’t been any word here. They aren't triumphantly toasted as heroes, not included in the lists of the dead. I’ve found a few of the old crew. Grunt. Jacob.” She stopped for a minute and glared at Shepard, “How come you never told me he got a woman pregnant?”

“Ah, sorry Kasumi,” Shepard ran a hand through her hair, then rubbed the side of her face and looked away. “If it helps, I think it’s more that he fell in love with her, wanted to spend his life with her, and started a family.”

“Hmph. Not like I was serious, but it’s a lot harder to fantasize about a devoted husband and father. Anyway, I’ve also heard some rumors about Jack and her students, but I haven’t made contact yet.”

Shepard opened her mouth to ask another question, but Kasumi cut her off. “Your appointment is in about thirty seconds, and Hackett is never late. I better go.”

“Will you stay?” Shepard asked. “I don’t think— I’m not trusted so much right now that he’ll say anything you can’t know.”

Kasumi nodded and activated her cloak. A few seconds later, a quick knock preceded Hackett’s entrance.

Shepard stood, more slowly this time, and clasped her hands behind her back.

“At ease, Commander.” Hackett’s gravely voice always had a way of making Shepard feel more relaxed. She nodded and took her seat. He grabbed another chair, pulled it over to face hers, and sat. “I’ve read through your reports. I don’t have any questions at this time, but don’t be surprised if the Council does. I’m here today to answer your questions.”

“I’m sure you know what they are, Admiral.”

Hackett nodded. “Whatever you did up there did destroy the Reapers. It also damaged most of the Citadel and Sol system’s mass relay. And what the Catalyst told you was true. The geth were destroyed. As best we can tell, the Crucible targeted anything with Reaper tech or code. That’s why some of your cybernetics appear fine while others are completely offline.”

“And EDI?” Shepard’s hands curled like talons around the arms of her chair. “The Catalyst mentioned her specifically.”

“I’m sorry Shepard, I don’t know.” Hackett let out a sigh, but when he caught himself looking away he deliberately pulled his gaze to meet Shepard's. “When the Catalyst powered up, I ordered the fleet to retreat, but the Normandy– She delayed in responding to that order. She began to retreat but was caught in the energy blast coming from the Crucible. The ship, and many others of the fleet who were also caught, vanished. I couldn’t tell you if she was destroyed or— I just don’t know. There was no debris. She had to go somewhere. But there have been no communications from the Normandy or any of the other missing ships.”

She stared at Hackett. Every nerve in her body was trying to scream. She opened her mouth, but she couldn't force her howling thoughts into words so she closed it again.

“Shepard, I’m so sorry. We’re doing everything we can to find out what happened to her. We have them on a constant comm ping. But we've gotten no response.” He stopped his train of words. When he spoke again, his voice was heavy with sorrow, with regret, “I ordered you kept here in isolation as long as I could, hoping I could come to you with some news. You deserve— I don’t know what I should tell you. How much hope we should hold on to.”

Shepard closed her eyes and leaned her head back against her chair, counting her breaths. When she was able to speak again, she said quietly, “I understand, Admiral.”

They sat in silence, Shepard breathing, Hackett the anchor that kept her from drifting into madness. After some time, Shepard wrapped her arms around her waist and opened her eyes. “So what next?”

“Are you sure you want to discuss this now?” Hackett asked.

“Yes. If there's something I can do, I want to do it.”

Hackett cleared his throat, “The Council will start meeting soon to discuss our next steps. Our options are limited with the relays non-operational, but those options lead to extremely different paths. And with all of us here, in the Sol system, the Alliance is especially invested in the outcome of this decision. But, given than Udina—” he trailed off again.

“Given that I shot him.”

“Actually, it’s more that, given the Reaper War, we never bothered to replace him. But now we must. The Alliance wants you.”

“You have got to be kidding me. Did you forget how that worked out with Anderson?”

“No. And no matter how much you like to think you are, you are not Anderson. Shepard, you are the only one who’s ever been able to get them moving in the same direction. We need that as much now as we did before the war.”

“You want me to knock their heads together, so they'll do what?”

“Rebuild. Here. We can't afford to have everyone try to find their own way back home."

“To stay here.” Panic twitched in Shepard's stomach. “You want me to stay here instead of searching for the Normandy.”

“If there were somewhere to search, I would tell you to go tomorrow. And if new information comes to light, then we'll act on it as appropriate then. But the fallout of this war will shape the galaxy forever. We need you.”

“I need some time,” Shepard managed to say.

“Of course. You have a direct comm link to me here. I’ll be back tomorrow, but if there’s anything you need–” He stood and brushed his hand over her hair, “Just call.”

Shepard nodded slowly. As Hackett closed the door behind him, Shepard rose, stumbled over to the sink at the side of the room, and retched violently.

In a moment Kasumi was uncloaked and by Shepard’s side, lightly rubbing her back. “Dammit, Shep, I—” Kasumi pressed her forehead to her friend’s shoulder and wrapped her arms around her waist. “I had no idea. I hadn’t heard any news, but...I’ve hardly heard news of anyone, so I thought nothing of it.”

“I killed them, Kasumi,” Shepard said. “I did it. It was my choice. My action.”

“If they are dead...the Reapers killed them, Shep. You know that.”

Shepard shook her head, over and over again, “My squad. The geth. Countless ships. The Citadel. The relays. What have I done?”

Kasumi took Shepard’s face in her hands, forcing Shepard to look at her. “Hey. Hey now. That’s not how this works and you know it.”

“If I had chosen— If I hadn’t been afraid—”

Kasumi sighed and said, “Here, let’s get you to the bed.” Shepard didn’t resist as Kasumi helped her. Kasumi sat on the edge of it and held Shepard’s hand in both of hers.


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard was stalling. She paced the length of the antechamber, stopped to look over her notes, and then paced back. It was a pattern she'd repeated a dozen times now. She'd stood before the Council countless times, but this was idiocy. She wasn't a politician, and she should never have agreed to take humanity's position on the Council. Hackett had insisted that her previous Council encounters were politics, but she'd had a gun, a ship, a crew backing her then. As she looked over the notes of her speech again, the words felt empty, had no weight behind them. Conviction wasn't going to be enough.

There was a polite knock on the door and a muffled, “Everyone's waiting for you, Commander.”

“I'll be right there,” she called out. She took three more deep breaths before she loosened her nervous grip on the datapad, straightened her uniform, and left her hiding place.

The cold steel of the makeshift Council chamber on the Destiny Ascension reminded Shepard of the war room on the Normandy until she got a real sense of the size of it. There were at least fifty people easily milling about the space. A huge window on one side gave everyone a full view of the desiccated remains of the Citadel.

_So this is where the Council passes judgment on all us little folk, huh? Ever get the feeling we're in over are heads, Commander?_

“Every day, Ash,” Shepard said under her breath. She walked across the room, ignoring the stares from the assembled ambassadors and representatives, and took her seat at the end of the room with the other three councilors.

Tevos, the asari councilor began with a brief welcome and then came quickly the matter at hand, "The Sol mass relay is still inoperable and our most hopeful estimates show us being a year away from repair. Each of our species' fleets must decide what it will do. Ideally, we shall decide together a course that works best for the greatest number of us.” She paused and inclined her head before continuing, “Of course we must respect that we are now reliant on the hospitality of humanity. And we must acknowledge that the Citadel is now here and beyond our ability to move it."

Shepard recognized her cue. “Humanity wishes all of the fleets to stay in the Sol system, to rebuild the relays and the Citadel," she said. "We believe that just as when we were fighting the Reapers, working together is our best hope for success in rebuilding the galaxy to what it once was. While we need to be cautious with our resources, we project the system can support the fleet beyond the projected time required for reactivating the relay system, all while minimizing the long term consequences for our system." Shepard silently cursed the stiltedness of her recitation. This was not the kind of Council meeting she was good at.

Wrex shook his head and grumbled, "Your projected timelines were pulled out of a salarian's ass. There's no guarantee that it's even possible to fix the relays."

The salarian councilor, Valern, cleared his throat, "With all due respect, they most certainly were not."

"Pah," Wrex dismissed the salarian. "Of course you want to stay. Your people would never live long enough to see Sur'kesh. On the other hand, I can be home before my kid's balls have dropped."

Valern flushed and opened his mouth to respond, but Sparatus, the turian councilor, interrupted. "You forget, krogan. You have to depend on the turian fleet to return to Tuchanka. Or anyone else who's willing to let you hitch a ride. Shepard is right. We need each other. For any plan."

Wrex growled, but Shepard raised her hand. "I don't think this is the time to talk logistics. The true heart of the matter is the future of the galaxy. Do we want to rebuild what we've lost? If we do, we have to work together. The Citadel, which has been the center of galactic civilization, is destroyed. Every technology that we have is built on that and the relays. If you leave, you abandon what we were."

Admiral Xen spoke up, "That might not be a bad thing for many of us, Shepard. The Council has treated the quarian people very poorly indeed. I have very little desire to return things to the way they once were. But perhaps, if we were willing to stay and help rebuild, might we be able to change that?"

"What do you mean?" Valern asked.

"I mean that we might form a new Council, with representation from all species."

"All species are represented to the Council by their ambassadors. I'm sure we could look into restoring the quarian embassy in light of your help during the war," the salarian replied.

"That is not what I propose, and you know it."

Shepard interjected, "It seems like a fair thing to at least discuss. Given everything that's happened, everything we've learned, shouldn't we all have a real say in how the galaxy is run?"

Tevos shook her head. When she spoke, her tone had the note of a mother explaining something to child for the eighth time, "They do. The Council itself isn't three...four species determining what's best for those four species. When a species joins the Council, its Councilor agrees to act on behalf of the entire galaxy, based on the input he or she receives from all of the ambassadors. And each member must be able to respond when the Council must take action."

"Which is exactly what we've just done," Din, the volus ambassador proclaimed loudly.

"Only with considerable concessions, and in some cases outright bribery, 'negotiated' by Commander Shepard." Shepard rolled her eyes at Sparatus's air quotes. Even when they were on the same side of an issue, it was damn annoying. "If she had not retrieved your sacred artifacts, rescued lost ships, even disarmed certain weapons of mass destruction, would we all even be here?"

This uncomfortable statement had the ambassadors grumbling.

"Hmph." The turian looked around the room. "That's about what I thought. Shepard has made the situation clear: we work together, here, and we rebuild what we had. Or we go our separate ways and maybe see each other again in a dozen centuries when we've been able to build our own technologies. I suggest we adjourn and think about that."

"Wait," Shepard switched off the datapad with her notes. "There's something else we need to discuss. Now. We need to understand what happened with the Reapers. You've all read my report about what the Catalyst said. The Reapers are gone, but the Catalyst was certain that a new cycle of war between organic and synthetic life will begin. If we don't begin to lay the course for future synthetic life—" She looked around the room, "Everything we've sacrificed, everyone we've lost, will be for nothing."

Sparatus snorted in disgust, his brow plates dropping in a frown. “That is hardly an immediate—”

The fury in Shepard's glare shut him down as she snarled. "Do not dismiss this.” She stopped and tried to calm her voice, addressing the entire room. “If each of us leaves now and attempts to return to their own system without at least some attempt at addressing this issue, we've truly lost."

Xen inclined her head in a thoughtful pose. "Perhaps solving this issue is a better reason for us to stay than rebuilding the Reaper-based technology."

The asari councilor waved her hands as half a dozen side conversations suddenly grew loud. "Yes, yes. It's something to consider. To seriously consider,” she said directly to Shepard. “So keep this point in mind as you return to your fleets to decide the next step. We expect you to address it when next we meet. This meeting is adjourned."

As everyone began to file out of the room, Shepard noticed an asari taking a deliberately long time to gather her things. Her movements were stiff and her gaze seemed unfocused. Shepard grabbed her datapad and her coffee cup and stood. The asari looked at Shepard, then walk over to her.

"Commander. I'm not sure if you remember me. I—"

"You're the rachni queen's envoy, correct? We met on Illium?" At the asari's nod, Shepard continued, "I'm surprised you didn't lose, ah, your connection to the queen after what the Reapers did to her."

The asari's expression was politely blank, "It was not a pleasant time." She paused a moment before continuing, "But, that is partly why I wished to talk to you. The queen is beyond grateful for what you have done for her and her people. She wishes for me to assure you that you have her support in these matters. In fact, her memory contains much information about the mass relays, and you have seen what valuable assets the rachni were to the construction of the Citadel."

"That's great. Can you get me any data on that? If we could refine the salarian proposal with more specifics, perhaps that would convince some of the others."

The asari nodded. "Of course, Commander. We will begin work right away."

Shepard had only walked a few meters down the hall that led to her quarters on the ship before a voice rang out behind her.

"Shepard! Wait a moment!" Tevos hurried after her. "Look, I didn't mean to sound like I was contradicting you. You and I, I think we want the same thing: our great galactic civilization. I'm just afraid that if we leap into changing what we had too quickly, on top of everything this war has already changed—"

"I appreciate the sentiment, and your support, if that's what you're trying to say. But you need to realize one thing: the Prothean knowledge the asari hid on Thessia could have saved thousands of lives. The asari have too long held on to knowledge and power so they could seem like the most amazing, wise civilization in existence. I have no intention of letting that happen again." With that, Shepard turned on her heel and continued down the hall.

When Shepard reached her quarters, she found Kelly sitting at a desk in the workspace they'd carved out of Shepard's sitting room. In the months since their rescue, Kelly's natural red hair color was beginning to reassert itself. She smiled up at Shepard and asked, "How did the meeting go?"

"How has any meeting I've ever had with the Council gone?"

"Right, so what now?"

"We wait. And while we wait—" Shepard drummed her fingers against a desk. "We plot. Kelly, can you dig up any contact info for Gianna Parasini?"


	4. Chapter 4

The taxi dropped Shepard off in the middle of the Las Vegas Strip. She climbed out of the perfumed, climate-conditioned air of the cab into the heavy weight of the desert heat and crush of passersby. She pushed out of the press of foot traffic and stopped to look around her at her hometown.

The sky was only just beginning to darken, but the neon lights flashed, blinked, and chased each other up and down the boulevard. Lush jungles merged into Roman pools and villas which gave way to the encroaching shadow of an asari-styled high rise. Above the fray, hotel towers reached up into the sky, the lights behind curtained windows forming new constellations. Much of what she saw was likely new construction since the war, and themes came and went with the seasons, but it still looked—or felt—just as it had when she’d left seventeen years ago.

She began to walk up the street, past the welcoming entrances to the casino floors. She smiled at a memory: it always felt like there were hundreds of ways in, but only one way out. A thrill to fight through, with your opponent dashing like a cornered rabbit around tables and into shopping malls. She wished she'd told Garrus about it.

Shepard stopped when she reached a casino with a post-apocalyptic theme called Dystopia. She was fairly certain the place wasn't associated with the Reds or those who employed them. She walked in through the casino doors and was immediately enveloped by the bright, tinkling sounds of quasar machines and the low counterpoint of the muted grumbles of card players losing.

Shepard found a small lounge that offered a good view of the floor and ordered a drink. She sat and looked out over the cheerful misery of humanity.

She'd loved Las Vegas before she’d left. She loved all the places that reminded her of home, like Omega and the Wards. But now it just felt like another failure, a septic wound, one more thing that needed her that she'd abandoned.

She signaled the waitress to bring her another drink. No, make that two. She tossed the first back, and then cooled her fingers in the condensation of the second. She touched her icy fingers to her forehead. The forced “everyone’s having an excellent time” atmosphere was starting to grate on her.

"See? I told you we'd find her here." Miranda patted Shepard on the shoulder as she came over to her table, accompanied by Samara and Wrex.

"What are you doing here?" Shepard looked from one to the next. "And what are you doing here together?"

"Oh, we just ran into each other. I hear Las Vegas is famous for these kinds of coincidences." Miranda sat down and waved over the waitress.

"Miranda thought you’d need cheering up after the memorial dedication. And apparently she thinks we’re your most cheerful friends.” Wrex let out a booming laugh.

“Or the ones most suited to get you out of trouble if you went looking for it,” Samara added, and then frowned. “There is a great deal of injustice here.”

"I like it that way. Don’t shoot anyone."

"Shooting people might liven you up," Wrex offered.

Shepard snorted. “Probably. But not these people. We can go back to the Citadel later.”

“Council problems, Councilor?” Miranda asked archly.

“Something like that. It’s just—” Shepard finished her drink and slammed the glass on the table in front of her. “They’re a bunch of windbags! Absolutely nothing we’ve accomplished can be credited to those, those asshats! Day after day of endless meetings, bickering, withholding important information or resources for so long no one gets the benefit. And Hackett really thinks this is the best way for me to serve? Am I really that useless?”

Samara asked, "But progress is being made, yes? While it’s not you making it, I suspect it is because of you that it happens."

"I haven’t had enough to drink for that to make sense."

Samara leaned forward, her elbows on the table with her fingers steepled against each other. "Shepard, I have learned a great deal from traveling with you. When one is fighting injustice in a corrupt universe, one’s actions do not put an end to the existence of injustice. The fact that there are justicars does more to fight injustice than any justicar’s action. But of course, the idea does not exist without the actions. It's not the severity of the punishment—"

"But the certainty of it," Shepard finished. "You're saying the Council isn't effective itself, but because it's there—"

"Others behave as though it were effective, yes, and that’s what makes progress."

“Or,” added Miranda, “Others see how ineffective it is and are motivated to create counter-organizations to make their own progress.” She smiled smugly.

“Really? That’s where you want to take this conversation?”

“Shepard, the point is suck it up.” Wrex shoved his finger in Shepard’s face. “Yell, fetch cats out of trees, wave a gun in someone’s face, whatever you have to until the rest of the relay network works again. Then quit, steal a ship, and get back to Spectre business.”

“Spectre business,” Shepard mused. “Now you’re onto something. Miranda, meet me in the Council Chambers tomorrow. I’m going to get you inducted as a Spectre, and then we’ll get some shit done.”

Miranda laughed, but stopped when Wrex and Samara started laughing, too. “Wait, why do you think it’s funny?”

Shepard waved her hand, dismissing their laughter. “It’s not funny, it’s brilliant. Come on, let’s go plot something.”

“Not yet, Shepard,” Wrex protested. “I want to see the city. I could win a fortune from these idiots.”

“I agree,” Samara said. “I want to see more. And I am excellent at cards.”

It was sunrise by the time Shepard took a shuttle back to the Citadel. Once she was in her apartment, she kicked off her shoes and sank onto a couch in the office attached to her apartment. Bed was too far. She opened her omni-tool to set an alarm. A message flashed on the notifications screen: _Communications channel accepted: Normandy QEC online._


	5. Chapter 5

Shepard watched the blinking comm light, her hand hovering over the controls. She swayed a bit, then choked back a laugh. Still a little drunk. She slapped her cheek lightly and went into the kitchenette to make a pot of coffee.

She returned to her desk, her hands curled around the hot mug, and resumed staring at the blinking light. It could be the Normandy, but it could also be someone who found the wreckage of the Normandy. Could be a glitch. Could be one lone survivor waiting to report that her entire crew was dead. Shepard took a gulp of the bitter coffee then slapped the control to open the comm link.

Within half a minute Samantha Traynor's image was projected in the room. She stood there frozen, her mouth open in a small perfect circle, for only a second before she was gone. Shepard leaned forward as if she could see further into the projection to where she'd gone. "Traynor? Samantha!"

Samantha's figure popped back into the projection, "Hi Shepard! Sorry, Commander. The Major will kill me if I don’t fetch him immediately." She popped back out again.

Shepard's hands were trembling. She took another gulp of the coffee and tried to mentally map what might be happening on the Normandy right now. It was the middle of the third shift; the commanding officer should be sleeping. Traynor would have reached her station by now and called up to the captain's cabin.

Kaidan would be sleeping in her bed. The thought sparked a shiver down her spine. Shepard imagined the call rousing him from sleep, and Kaidan extricating himself from tangled sheets. He'd rub his eyes, stretch, answer the comm. Traynor's message would snap him to alertness, and he'd grab the uniform he always laid out the night before. No need to really bother with a shirt, is there? Wasting precious time. No, he'd be careful, reserved. Moving quickly, but meticulously, he'd fasten every button, snap, and clasp. Shepard sighed.

He should be in the elevator by now. It took exactly forty-three seconds to reach the CIC. Shepard traced the descent on her desk with her finger. One, two— The doors would swish open and he'd walk briskly to the war room, eleven steps. Then that damn decontamination sweep. A quick weaving around the various stations and terminals and he'd be in the QEC chamber. Shepard looked up expectantly.

The blue projection waved steadily, empty.

Shepard rubbed the back of her neck, searching the blue for any flicker. She looked back down at the surface of her desk and started tracing the path one more time. She looked up again to find nothing. Shepard frowned.

"Kaidan?" she called tentatively. Then, self-consciously, "Anyone?"

"Shepard."

Kaidan's voice filled that word with a lifetime of longing. Shepard choked back a sob of relief as his image flickered into the projection. She stood up from her chair and slowly walked around to the front of her desk, then perched on the edge of it. "Hey," she breathed.

A smile of pure joy broke over his face. “Hey yourself."

"What took you so long? Were you—?"

"Sorry. I was just—You looked just like when I first saw you. A cup of coffee, drawing patterns on the table, your eyes a million miles away. I was afraid you were a—“

"A ghost?"

Kaidan laughed, and Shepard smiled. "No. A trick maybe, though."

Shepard tried to keep the smile on her face, to mask any emotion in her voice as she asked, "Like a Cerberus infiltration attempt?"

"No! Like my mind playing tricks on me. Just the thoughts that go through your head when the woman you love comes back from the dead. Again." He held up his hands defensively, "Hey, I promised, didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did."

They just stared at each other for a long while, neither really knowing where to start. Kaidan cleared his throat, "So, how was your day?"

Shepard's laugh was tinged with an hysterical edge, "Terrible! I had to preside over your memorial service! Your mother—" Shepard snapped out of her ranting, "Your parents, they both survived. And I have reports for the entire crew with what information we could find on family, loved ones—"

"You thought I was dead?"

"I guess. It's been a year. Hackett thought it would be good to mark the anniversary with a memorial to the lost. To put it behind us." Shepard smiled mischievously, "I mean, I finally let Kasumi talk me into going out for drinks with—"

"Shepard!"

Shepard spread her hands in a gesture of feigned helplessness, "You didn't think I was dead? I'd have thought with the explosion, with Anderson—"

Kaidan ran his hand through his hair. “I figured until I saw a body— So what if I held on to false hope for the rest of my life, you know?”

Shepard pressed her fist to her mouth and blinked rapidly. “Hey, Shepard,” Kaidan’s voice was quiet, “Are you okay?”

Shepard nodded. After a long moment, she gathered her resolve and asked, “Kaidan, is EDI—?”

Kaidan took a small step forward, his eyes searching Shepard’s face. “How did you know?”

Shepard shifted so that she was fully sitting on the desk. She folded her hands in her lap and began to tell Kaidan about the final push to the Citadel, the confrontation with the Illusive Man, the Catalyst. About her choice, and the consequences of that choice.

When she finished, Kaidan let out a deep sigh. “In the whole galaxy, Shepard, you are the only one who could have made that choice. You know I think you did the right thing.” Shepard met Kaidan’s steady gaze. “I believe EDI would think so, too.”

“Thank you.” Shepard reached behind her for her cup and found the coffee cold. She drank it anyway. “I forgot to ask. Where are you?”

Kaidan let out a surprised chuckle. “Right! Sur’Kesh, believe it or not. We got caught in some kind of...distortion? I don't know; Liara has theories. We crashed, got rescued, and we’ve been working with science teams ever since. We’ve been making decent progress on repairing the relay. The Normandy’s looking good. Now that we’ve got communications up with the Council— “ Kaidan trailed off. “Wait, we’re on a Council channel? Are you on the Council?”

“Just...for now,” Shepard protested.

“Nice,” Kaidan chuckled. “How many ambassadors have you shot?” He turned to look behind him then said, “Hey, so the crew keeps trying to get in here. I don’t think I can keep you to myself much longer.”

“Yes, of course. I want to see them, too! Just—“

“Yes?”

“I should probably make sure you are who you claim to be first. You know that scar you have, here?” Shepard smirked and gestured to her rib cage.

Kaidan snorted, “Really?” She crossed her arms over her chest and nodded. “All right, Shepard.” He shook his head and began to untuck his shirt.


	6. Chapter 6

_Subject: Old friends_

Shepard! I can't believe you made it through the war. I rather expected you to go down in a blaze of glory. You've got more lives than a cat.

Noveria's doing well—like a cockroach in a nuclear explosion. Cerberus was more of a problem than the Reapers, really. Heard a rumor you paid one of their facilities a visit. You should have stopped by—might be a while before we can catch up again.

To answer your question, yes, Synthetic Insights still has their facility here. Here's Lorik Qui'in's contact info. He's the port administrator now, but that's in addition to his managerial duties with SI. Let me know if there's anything else you need.

Gianna

   
 _Subject: I could use a favor_

Lorik,

I'm not sure if you remember me. We met on Noveria a few years back. I stole some evidence of corruption for you, shot up your office a bit, manipulated you into testifying. Good times, right? Did that stain come out of the carpet?

I need your help. I remember hearing that Synthetic Insights began researching the geth shortly after they emerged from the Veil. In fact, I'm sure some of the “inactive units” I left in my wake on Noveria provided useful research material.

You are aware of what happened to the geth when the Reapers were destroyed. I need to know...hell, I don't even know what questions to ask really. How about I start with this: what's the current status of Synthetic Insight's geth research?

Shepard

   
 _Subject: Same old_

Ah, Commander Shepard. I'm glad to hear from you.

I'm not sure there's much I can tell you that will be of use. Certainly, SI was researching the geth—with appropriate permissions from the Citadel Council, you understand. But since the war, those projects have been on hold. Currently all of our efforts are focused on rebuilding Noveria and reestablishing connections with the company's other facilities. I've taken a glance through the geth division's last reports before the war, but I see no developments to speak of. Just a few suggested ideas for weapons and shielding.

Let me know when you'll next be visiting Noveria. I owe you a drink.

Lorik

   
 _Subject: Stonewalled_

Gianna, what can you tell me about the research Synthetic Insights is doing right now?

Shepard

   
 _Subject: Not much to tell_

Hey Shepard. SI is pretty much in the same boat as the rest of the corporations here. A lot of the facilities have only recently come back online. Travel on Noveria is still almost as challenging as travel to another system right now. I think they're just trying to get back on their feet.

Gianna

   
 _Subject: Trying again_

I understand the executive board might not have you directly investigating right now, given the situation. But I know you. There's no way Synthetic Insights, or any of the corporations on Noveria, is just cheerily pitching in on the reconstruction efforts, and there's absolutely no way that you don't know about it.  
You owe me one, Gianna. More than one.

Shepard

   
 _Subject: When you put it that way_

I guess I do, Shepard. See attached.

Gianna

   
 _Subject: AI research permits_  
 _[sent over a secure Council channel]_

Lorik Qui'in,

The Citadel Council is aware that the Synthetic Insights laboratory on Noveria successfully reactivated and networked three geth units two months before the beginning of the Reaper War. We also know that you've imported a significant amount of damaged Reaper technology. Transport of this technology is tightly controlled by the Council to ensure that it is handled safely, and we seem to be missing Synthetic Insight's request forms.

Or more accurately, I know these things, and I should probably bring it up at the next meeting.

Councilor Shepard

   
 _Subject: Well then_

I see you've taken to politics quite naturally, Shepard. What do you need to know?

Lorik

   
 _Subject: Your help_

Lorik,

I haven't hidden anything in my accounts of how the Crucible destroyed the Reapers, but not all of the details are being widely reported. The Reapers were an overzealous solution to a real problem: war between organics and synthetics. When I chose to destroy the Reapers, I was warned that the cycle would begin again, and without the Reapers to stop it, synthetic life would completely destroy organic life.

I don't know how much of what I was told is true. But we had a solution other than the Reapers—we had real peace with the geth. Peace that we achieved because of the threat we shared. Honestly, I think the Catalyst destroyed the geth and any other synthetic life as a giant fuck you for rejecting their solution. It's forced us to start over with synthetic life, without the variables that allowed us to come together.

I can't let that happen, Lorik. We need the geth. And I think you can help me bring them back.

Shepard

   
 _Subject: Hope this helps_

Shepard,

I see. I've attached several reports, along with the data behind those experiments. However, you'll need a team of experts to move any further in this direction. I'll see you in a few months.

Lorik

   
 _Subject: Looking for work?_

Thanks, Gianna. You're the best. You know, you should see if you can't hitch a ride home with Lorik.

Shepard

***

“Any messages, Kelly?” Shepard asked as she walked into her office on the Citadel.

“A few, Shepard. Admiral Hackett reports that three ships have safely reached Thessia using the relay network. Commander Bailey wants to know what you think of offering C-Sec positions to krogan veterans. And Ka’hairal Balak politely suggests you revisit his proposal to grant the surviving batarians Mars for their new homeworld.” Kelly looked up from her terminal with concern, “Is that really—?”

“No. Ugh, I want to help the batarians make some kind of future. But I don’t think we’ll ever be friendly enough to share a star system.” Shepard shuddered.

“That’s a relief. You also have a visitor waiting in your lounge. Do you want to see her or would you like me to say you’re unavailable?”

Shepard checked the screen. “I’ll see her. Thank you, Kelly.”

“Of course, Commander.”

Admiral Xen stood by the window, looking out over the arms of the Citadel at Earth. “Quite the view, Shepard.”

“It is,” Shepard replied. She walked across the room to join the admiral and lightly touched her fingertips against the window. “I still think I smell burning when I look out there, though.”

Xen considered that. “Hmm. I couldn’t say.” Xen's stillness was expressionless. Shepard was suddenly struck by how much expression she was able to read in Tali’s body language, the way she entwined her fingers when she nervous or how she bounced slightly in excitement. Xen didn't seem to notice Shepard's scrutiny and changed the subject, “The Normandy returns in a month, correct?”

The reminder sent a spark of anticipation through Shepard. “Yes.”

“And your ship’s AI. It was terminated by the Catalyst?”

At that reminder, Shepard froze. “You are clearly already aware of this.”

“Forgive me.” Xen didn’t sound apologetic. “I read your reports on the Catalyst quite thoroughly. You’ve said that it warned of our inevitable destruction by synthetics if you chose as you did. And I know that you’re trying to bring back the geth in an optimistic attempt to prove it wrong.”

“I’ve—”

Xen waved off Shepard’s denial. “You’re starting at the wrong point. When the Normandy returns, I want to resurrect EDI.”

Shepard shook her head angrily. “What kind of cheap manipulation is this? You can’t 'resurrect' an 'it.' You stand on one side or the other with words like those, and I’m pretty sure I know which side you stand on.”

“You know very little about me, Shepard,” Xen snapped. With her next sentence, her voice was again calm. “I have not had a personal relationship with a synthetic being, and I understand that you have. I am, perhaps inelegantly, trying to relate.” Xen tilted her head slightly and waited.

Shepard pushed away from the window and walked over to a couch in the middle of the room. She placed her hands on its back, pressing her nails into the plush fabric. Keeping her back to Xen, she asked “You really think you can bring her back?”

“That I don’t know, Shepard. What I’m saying is that—” Xen paused. “That she is the best starting point for your plan. EDI evolved into an individual intelligence in ways we never observed with the geth until they took that technology from the Reapers.”

Shepard shook her head, “Cerberus used Reaper tech when they created EDI.”

“True. But I still believe that most of who EDI was, her personality and her sense of self, she programmed herself. And through all of that, she never came into conflict with organics. We need a new path. If we rebuild the geth in the way I know how, I fear we will follow the exact same path we did before.”

Shepard swallowed the hopes and fears churning in her throat before she turned around. “You make a strong argument. I agree. When the Normandy returns—” She held out her hand.

Xen grasped it firmly. “I will do my best, Shepard.”


	7. Chapter 7

The docking bay lounge was crowded in a way Shepard hadn’t seen since the last weeks of the Reaper War. Like then, the Citadel’s air scrubbers weren’t able to keep up with the masses. A crowd of this size always seemed to smell of food—chicken broth, fish sandwiches, onions—underlaid with the sharp tinge of alcohol.

Shepard stuck to the edges of the hallway as she tried to work her way around the crowd, physically pushing past only if the intrusion could easily be blamed on another bystander. She could have breezed through the crowd in second, everyone eager to get out her way so they could see her reunited with the Normandy crew. But that wasn’t the kind of reunion she was hoping for, so Kasumi had programmed her omni-tool with a basic tactical cloak. It wasn't sophisticated, and Shepard hadn't quite got down the subtle movements to keep herself completely invisible, but it seemed to work well enough.

She was used to being front and center, on the battlefield and now on the public stage. Sneaking like this felt unnatural, but also fascinating. As she paused to listen to a conversation between two turians, apparently brothers, about the family shipping business, she wondered how Kasumi was ever able to resist doing anything but constantly snoop around listening in on everyone else’s lives. The brothers began to disagree about what was the best course for their business, trade with Palaven or with Omega, so Shepard got herself out of there before she was compelled to interject her own opinion.

A few pushes and shoves and one altercation triggered as a distraction later, Shepard reached the docking bay doors. She pressed up to the window as closely as she could without leaving a telltale mark and gazed with longing at her ship.

Kasumi had assured her that getting on the ship wouldn't be a problem. Port officials and a few crew members were coming and going from the ship getting everything prepared for when the heroes of the Normandy would disembark and be greeted by the Council. Kasumi claimed that the Normandy wouldn't sense her cloak, and she could slip on board whenever the door opened. It would be really embarrassing if it didn't work. If it did, she'd need to let Adams know about gap in their security protocols.

The outer door to the airlock hissed open to release an Alliance bureaucrat with a clipboard. Shepard slipped through. After a few seconds, he returned, and Shepard followed him onto the ship. Yup, security breach. Shepard wondered for a second if this would be possible if EDI were online, then pushed away the uncomfortable thought. Still, she took a few steps toward the cockpit. Joker sat in the pilot's seat running diagnostics. His attention was completely focused on his work. Theirs was a conversation that would have to happen later. She headed into the CIC.

Kaidan stood at her—well, his for more than year now—personal terminal. Samantha was at her post to his right. Liara stood on one side of the room talking animatedly to Dr. Chakwas and Steve. James, Garrus, and Tali were clustered on the other side.

Shepard saw her opening when Kaidan turned to ask Samantha a question. Shepard reached over to type on terminal, "This is Shepard, not a ghost. In a tactical cloak. Came to say hi."

Kaidan thanked Sam and turned his attention back to the terminal. His eyes flicked over the message, and his entire body tensed. Shepard hesitated, and then, after gathering her nerves, she placed her invisible hand on his arm. Kaidan closed his eyes and leaned slightly into her touch. With her other hand, she twined her fingers with his and tugged gently in the direction of the war room. He opened his eyes, switched off the terminal, and followed the invisible pull into the war room's antechamber.

Shepard's eyes swept the room and found it empty. She deactivated the cloak.

Before the cloak had completely evaporated from her form, Kaidan had her pushed up against the wall. His hands gripped her upper arms and pinned her there as though he feared she might vanish. He stared for a long moment into her pale blue eyes, and then let out the breath he'd been holding. He released of one of her arms to thread his fingers through the ends of the dark, choppy hair that fell to the nape of her neck. He let go of the other arm to trace his thumb over the arch of her eyebrow, then drew his fingertips down over the angle of her cheekbone and the curve of her jaw.

He inhaled slowly, then whispered, "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," Shepard breathed.

He ran his thumb along her lower lip, biting his own as he did so. Slowly he leaned closer so she could feel the warmth of his breath. He smiled, just a quick flash, before he he kissed her.

Sinking into the kiss, Shepard placed her hands on Kaidan’s chest. His heartbeat thrummed beneath her fingertips like an engine. She parted her lips and pursued his with relentless aggression. He met her with matched intensity, first tracing her lips, her teeth with his tongue, then diving deeply into the heat of her mouth. He dropped a hand to her waist, then slid it back up under her shirt, against her skin. She let out a noise half moan, half growl and clenched her fist, grabbing handfuls of his shirt and pulling him even closer.

The door hissed open. With lightning reflexes, Shepard reactivated the cloak, then did her best to straighten Kaidan's disheveled appearance with invisible hands. He kept his back to the door and tried to swallow his laughter.

"Alenko?" James sounded confused. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, Vega. I was just a little anxious and...needed a moment." Shepard nearly suffocated trying to hold in her her own laughter at that. Kaidan seemed to realize how his words sounded, andhe tips of his ears reddened. “I mean—”

"No problem, sir. I understand. I, uh, think they're ready for us."

"Actually, put them off for a few minutes and gather the crew in the CIC."

James nodded and snapped a salute that Kaidan didn't see. The door closed, and Kaidan fell back against the wall laughing, one arm flung over his forehead.

Still cloaked, Shepard wrapped her arms around Kaidan's waist and pressed her face against his shoulder. "Later, huh?"

"Definitely," he chuckled. "Okay, follow me out, but wait up on the bridge or something. I'll get the crew gathered and you can come say hi."

***

“Hey Shepard,” Tali said as Shepard came into the Normandy’s AI core. She flipped off her omni-tool and set down the datapad she’d been browsing.

Xen looked up from the portable terminal she’d installed in the core. “Shift change already, is it? Looks like you’ve been relieved, Tali’Zorah.”

“We just want to make sure you have someone on hand to assist at all times, Xen,” Tali countered without bothering to make it sound sincere. “I’ll catch you later, Shepard.”

“And a great lot of good you’ll do me if I need help,” Xen jutted her chin in Shepard’s direction and then turned her attention back to her work.

Shepard took Tali’s vacated chair and idly picked up the discarded datapad. Finding nothing of interest, she set it back down then pushed away from the table with her foot, rolling the chair over by Xen’s terminal.

“What can I say? It’s not really my ship anymore. Alliance isn’t keen on someone with your expertise poking around in here unobserved.” Shepard tried to look over the back of the terminal screen. “How’s it going?”

“Ah, you wish to talk.” Xen powered down the terminal and crossed her arms. “I thought it wasn’t your turn. Well, what is it?”

Shepard leaned forward, elbows on knees, chin on clasped hands. “I want to know if we’re going to get her back.”

“I told you, Shepard—”

“Then I want to know what our chances are.”

Xen let out an exasperated sigh. “It’s going to depend on what you’ll allow me to do.”

Shepard frowned, “What?”

“I can’t bring her back exactly as she was. The way she was integrated into the Normandy...she was the Normandy. And I’m sure that you can guess, the ability to create an AI the size of a ship—”

“Is right up Reaper alley,” concluded Shepard. “And you can’t replicate that without Reaper tech.”

“Exactly. And to be specific, I can’t replicate it without a very large quantity of Reaper tech. Even if you were to condone the use of such, the rest of the Council certainly would not.”

Shepard rubbed at an ache beginning in the middle of her forehead. “But you said it depends?”

“Yes. I can’t restore all of what she was. But much of her personality programming is her own design, and her core functions as an intelligence are human-designed. I can bring that back online and house it in her mobile platform.”

“So you can restore part of her?”

Xen nodded. “And to do so would require some Reaper pieces. Not much, and not that difficult to obtain. But I can’t do it legally.”

“Right.” Shepard leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. After about a minute, she heard Xen tapping at the terminal. Would EDI want to be brought back as only part of herself? Would Shepard? If it was only a part, would it even be EDI? Shit, what would Joker say?

“Why are you doing this, Xen?” Shepard asked.

“Because I can. If I can, then someone else will. And everyone else has already demonstrated that they’ll do it wrong.”

Shepard cracked open one eye and looked suspiciously at Xen, “That sounds like the evil version of something I’ve heard before.”

“Evil? Really, Shepard?” She shook her head in disgust. “I didn’t expect you to be so naive.”

“So explain it to me.” Shepard sat up and focused her full attention back on Xen.

In contrast, Xen continued working as she spoke, “AI researchers—or any scientist who is not branded 'mad' in truth—propose only a limited scope of applications for their development. Probably out of fear. So they create a tool, but do not use it to its full potential. In fact, they willfully blind themselves to its full potential so they can pretend that only the unethical would use their invention outside of its designed scope.

“Take the geth: the quarians sought only to create a tool to do their menial labor. They knew about the potential of using the geth as a weapon, even about the potential of the geth possessing a true intelligence. But those nasty little questions were in the way of their desire to stop working so hard in the fields, in the factories. So they ignored them. Said the design wasn’t intended for those uses, so it would never be a problem.

“Idiots,” Xen finished matter-of-factly. “Artificial intelligence should be developed to its full potential. Or, not at all. We know what that potential is now. You and I, we understand. Yes?”

The intensity Xen projected from behind her mask made Shepard’s stomach flip over. But she did understand. She had stood in front of the Catalyst. “All right. Send your next requisition directly to me. Along with a full proposal for your next project after EDI. I want to know exactly how you think you’ll do this right.”


	8. Chapter 8

"Joker, you should sit down." Shepard nudged a chair with her foot to roll it over to him.

"What?" he startled out of his awkward pacing. "No. No, I need to be standing when she wakes up. Supportive, proud— Shut up," he said to Shepard's arched expression. "Oh shit, I should have brought flowers."

"Joker," Shepard said his name with a sigh. She crossed the med-bay with a few long steps and gently placed her hand on his shoulder. "This might not be what you're hoping for."

"Yeah, you've only told me that fifty times. Thanks for fifty-one. I think I understand now."

Shepard dropped her hand, then leaned back against the wall nearest Joker. She met Kaidan's concerned gaze from across the room and realized she could probably use a chair herself. She made herself smile to show that she was okay, then smirked at the skeptical look on his face. "It is what it is," she said, mostly to herself.

"Garrus, move EDI's platform into a sitting position," Xen directed, her fingers flying over the controls on her terminal. "Tali, turn on the external power generator."

EDI appeared undamaged. Were she human, Shepard might think she had simply fallen asleep. Garrus raised EDI's torso, then gently turned her so that her legs dangled from the edge of the bed. He carefully arranged EDI's arms, then turned her head to face forward. When he was finished, he moved to stand behind Tali, placing his hand on her shoulders and resting his chin on top of her helmet.

Tali charged up the generator, sending a physical jolt through EDI's body. Joker took an involuntary step forward. "Thanks for waiting until I was clear," Garrus murmured.

"We are ready," Xen said. "On your order, Commander."

"Do it."

EDI opened her eyes.

***

"Gianna Parasini, Lorik Qui'in, I'd like you to meet Admirals Daro'Xen vas Moreh and Tali'Zorah vas Normandy.

"I've resigned from that post, Shepard," Tali reminded her.

"You don't get to keep the title?"

"No, _Commander,_ " Tali said. "It is a position, not a rank."

Gianna interrupted Shepard's next question about quarian culture, "Tali. We met on Noveria, I believe. It's good to see you again." She held out her hand, which Tali shook, and then offered it to Xen, "And good to meet you, Admiral."

"Likewise, I'm sure."

Shepard gestured for them all to be seated. It was a bright day on the Presidium, but then, it was always was. That was probably why Shepard liked it so much. Weather in the the desert varied only in wind speed. She still found the lack of heat on her skin disconcerting, though.

The cafe she'd chosen hummed with the activities of dozens of people of all species. Shepard conducted a lot of her business here so those she was trying to talk into something could see the successes they'd achieved in rebuilding the Citadel. After nearly two years, the entire relay network was back online, and the Citadel could still hold on to its position as the center of galactic life. Shepard couldn't feel the pride she tried to instill in others with this knowledge, though, not when she knew about all the petty bickering and backstabbing that had nearly prevented it. How you got there made a difference, and set the course for where you were going. But that's why she was here.

"All right," Shepard rubbed her hands against her legs, "let's hear some reports."

Gianna began, "The only success I've uncovered is yours. But that's certainly not for lack of trying. A salarian group on Sur'Kesh seems to be furthest along, quite possibly because of the Normandy's extended presence. I don't think they're truly close, but the fact that they're even trying is fascinating. AI is an area of research the salarians have long shunned."

Shepard looked at Lorik. He cleared his throat and said, "Well, I have a handful of nearly intact geth units in my labs here on the Citadel. I've been able to network three of them, but their processes are no more complicated than a datapad at this point. I have several leads of course, but I was hoping to see detailed reports of how you restored the ship AI, Admiral Xen."

"Yes, I can show you the reports, and perhaps demonstrate my methodology on one of your units. I have a few experiments you might care to observe on the _Moreh._ "

"May I ask, how did you—"

The conversation had ventured into territory where Shepard could no longer follow. She crossed her arms and watched as Lorik, Xen, and Tali animatedly discussed their processes and theories, often talking over each other and interrupting. Gianna caught her eye and shrugged. Shepard grinned, "Sounds enough like progress to me."

After about an hour, the conversation began to slow. Lorik was about to take his leave when Shepard lifted a hand to gain their attention. "It seems we've convened a merry band to tackle our challenge. I suggest we add another researcher to our team, though."

On cue, EDI strolled up to their table. Lorik's mandibles fluttered in surprise, and Tali let out a a startled, "Oh." Xen's silence was as inscrutable as always; Gianna leaned forward, interest glinting in her eyes.

Lorik tried to speak with the utmost tact, "You wish to assign an AI to develop AI?"

"Yes," replied Shepard. "She's clearly the best we have."

"Thank you, Shepard," EDI said.

There was a long awkward silence. Abruptly, Xen broke it, "Your reasoning is sound. What EDI can tell us, we can only speculate."

"And she deserves to know every path you take, every answer you uncover," Shepard's voice was firm. "Understood?" She nodded approvingly at the chorus of nods and murmurs of assent. She clapped EDI on the shoulder, "This will be fun."


	9. Chapter 9

The Inner Council Chambers were actually nowhere near the Citadel Tower and the grand Council Chambers. The “chambers” were really a large apartment, consisting of a meeting room, a sitting area, and a kitchen, under the Council Central Archives on Kithoi Ward. The Council members came here to discuss matters they didn’t want to include on the formal Council agenda.

In the year and half since Shepard had joined the Council, she’s only been down here a handful of times. The apartment had a musty air to it, and the shelves were crowded with curios. The place reminded her of a great-grandmother’s house. Shepard picked up a cartoonish figure of a turian man wearing a traditional costume and a broad grin. The phrase “Thinking of You in Palaven” was written in English on the base. She set the figure back down next to a replica of a krogan drinking vessel.

Valern entered the apartment. “Are we all here?” Shepard nodded and followed him into meeting room to join the others.

“So,” the salarian began, “the Alliance is reporting that their aerostat outposts on Venus have gone silent.”

“How is this a Council matter?” asked Sparatus. “Let alone a matter to be discussed off the record.”

“Oh, Goddess,” Tevos breathed.

Shepard closed her eyes and pressed her fingers to her temples. “The rachni settled on Venus.”

“We don’t know if the problem is related to the rachni,” Valern said. “However, we have not been able to reach the envoy to confirm that it is not. We should send a Spectre to investigate.”

“Send Alenko,” Tevos suggested. “He has experience with the rachni.”

“I’ve met with the rachni queen twice. I’ll go with him.”

“Shepard, you can’t.” The asari’s voice was gentle with understanding. “If you go, his mission is divided between the investigation and the protection of a Council member.”

“Okay. Leave Kaidan here. I’ll go with my own team.” Shepard cut off the asari before she could voice her disagreement, “I know I’m a councilor, that I can't run regular Spectre missions anymore. But the rachni are a special case. I should handle this.”

“With all due respect, Shepard,” Valern said, “I can foresee you believing most situations to be a special case that you are uniquely suited to handle.”

“You can’t control everything,” Sparatus added.

Shepard glowered, then muttered, “I could have.”

The other councilors didn’t seem to hear her. “Alenko is the best choice for this mission,” Tevos persisted.

Shepard took a deep breath. She tried to make her expression blank, to keep her tone even. “I see.” She addressed Valern, “You’ll speak with Alenko?” At the salarian’s nod, Shepard excused herself from the table and left the apartment. She needed a bar.

***

Shepard was standing on the second floor of Flux, leaning forward on the waist-high wall so she could look down at dancers below, when EDI found her. Shepard raised her coffee mug in greeting.

“EDI! What brings you here?”

“I was looking for you, Shepard. I heard the Normandy is headed out tomorrow.”

“You heard? I wasn’t aware it was public knowledge.”

“Tali told me. She’s going with Kaidan and she wanted me to run some simulations while she was gone.” EDI searched Shepard's expression carefully. “Are you all right?”

Shepard took a drink and shrugged. “I am. Everything else might be fucked.”

“I was thinking I’d like to go home,” EDI said. “Would you come with me?”

Shepard’s eyes lit up. “Yeah! Let me get my suit and I’ll arrange for a ride.”

***

The Mako climbed the last ridge and rolled onto the plateau overlooking the lunar basin. In the distance, Shepard and EDI could see the abandoned bunkers. Shepard killed the engine, checked her equipment, and then stepped out onto the surface of the moon.

She found a rock to sit on and waited for EDI to join her. “Does it look the way you remember?”

“Yes. These memories are intact.”

Shepard looked sharply at EDI, “But some aren’t?”

“No, they aren’t,” The pitch of EDI’s voice held a note of sadness. “Some memories are there, but faint. When I think about them, I no longer feel the way I remember feeling. It is like they have been copied too many times. And some memories are only holes where I believe I should remember something.”

Shepard was starting to feel the panic of guilt uncurling in her stomach. She wrapped her arms around her waist. “Is there anything I can do?”

“May I ask you a question?” Shepard nodded. “Am I still me?”

She was quiet for a long time, giving the question serious consideration. She remembered locking herself in her bathroom on the Normandy in the first moment she had alone after investigating Freedom’s Progress, pouring over every inch of her body, scanning through every memory, thought, and feeling. Shepard answered, “You are always you. You might not be who you were.”

EDI considered that silently. After a moment, Shepard cleared her throat. “May I ask you a question?”

“Of course, Shepard.”

Shepard looked up at Earth. Only the top half of the blue planet was visible, the Citadel tethered to London like a huge kite in the hands of a very small child. “Did I make the wrong choice?”

“You made the only choice that you, being who you are, could make.”

“So if everything _is_ fucked, it’s because the wrong person made the choice?”

“That is one way to look at it. You could also say that you became the wrong person.”

“What?” Shepard’s voice cracked with incredulity.

“ _If_ everything is fucked, Shepard. Only if everything is fucked.”

Despite herself, Shepard began to laugh.

***

“Hey, you can’t leave that steaming heap of scrap metal here, Commander,” Cortez called out as Shepard hopped out of the Mako and into the Normandy’s shuttle bay. EDI stayed in the vehicle, ostensibly running a few diagnostics.

“Take it up with the CO, Steve,” Shepard grinned. “And don’t make fun of her. She might come in handy, and she won’t steer well if you’ve been insulting her.”

“Oh, so that’s what the Alliance has been doing wrong.” Steve shook his head. “It’s Kodiaks we need for Venus, Shepard, not tricked out moon buggies.”

Shepard held up her hands in surrender as she backed out of the bay, “Sure, whatever you say, Steve.”

As the elevator doors closed, Cortez yelled after her, “It’s still here, Shepard!.” Shepard laughed, then tapped in the command to take her up to Engineering.

When the doors opened, she walked out and then down the stairs to below deck. She considered the stacked crates; the odds that it was still here weren’t great. The crew probably went through every scrap on board after the crash. She climbed onto pile and reached into the rafters. Her searching hands found dust, a sharp metal protrusion—she cursed and sucked on her finger—and then the smooth, cold glass of the bottle of vodka she and Jack had hidden up here one night. Almost half full. It would do nicely.

She hopped down, then jogged back up the stairs. She selected the captain’s cabin on the console and then smiled in anticipation as the doors hissed shut and the elevator began to rise.

***

Shepard woke and opened her eyes. Kaidan lay on his back beside her, asleep. She tucked her arm under her pillow to raise her head up a little so she could see him better. Her eyes lingered on the strong angle of his jaw, the straight line of his nose. She gently brushed a finger over his lips. Only a lightning twitch of a smile warned her before he captured her wrist with one hand. He opened his golden brown eyes and shifted his head slightly to look at her. Slowly he drew each of her fingers to his lips, planting a soft kiss on each tip.

“Sorry I woke you,” Shepard said softly.

“I’m not.” Kaidan released her wrist to brush her hair back from her face. “We don’t get a lot of moments like this.” He turned to lie on his side facing her.

“No, we don’t.” Shepard ran her fingers up and down his arm as she spoke. “I used to try to imagine things settling down after the war. I never could.”

“Because you couldn’t imagine the calm and quiet life? Or because you couldn’t imagine surviving?”

She shook her head as much as the pillow would allow. “I honestly don’t know. Hell, maybe part of me never really expected the war to end. That I’d fail, but live, and have to keep fighting.”

“Shepard,” Kaidan whispered, his hand cupping her cheek.

“I’m sorry—”

“Hey, no. Don’t be sorry. We got through it. We did.” He pulled her close in a tight embrace.

Shepard closed her eyes, sinking into the sensation of being so close to him. After a few minutes he pulled back and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “So what do you imagine comes next for us?” Shepard asked.

“I...don’t know, either. More time like this, though. That I know.” He tilted her chin up and pressed his lips to hers.

“Yeah,” she breathed, snaking her arm around his waist as he traced a slow, hot line down her neck with his mouth. “When you get back, we should talk about that.”


	10. Chapter 10

Lorik was agitated. That wasn't a good sign. His left hand fluttered from the datapad on his desk to his collar, then brought an empty cup to his mouth. He set it down without either attempting to take a drink or noticing that it was empty. Shepard sat down in a chair across from his desk. Gianna looked up from her pacing and nodded distractedly.

"What's going on, Lorik?"

"I don't know, Shepard," Lorik said. "But it's suspicious."

"Uh-huh. And?"

Lorik passed Shepard a datapad. "I'm seeing strange energy usage and data transfer patterns in Tayseri Ward. It's the kind of thing we see when a virtual intelligence starts to become aware."

Shepard's grip on the datapad convulsively tightened. She didn't look at it. "Well, that's," Shepard struggled to find a word and finished with, "suspicious."

"Right," said Gianna. "And Tayseri Ward's still a wreck. It never recovered after Saren's attack, and after the refugees during the Reaper War...let's just say quality of living isn't very high. C-Sec does what it can. Or at least, it makes a show of doing so. Point is, if someone's experimenting with VI out there, they probably don't have the best of intentions."

"You want me to check it out?" Shepard asked.

"I think that would be best," Lorik said. "I don't know that we'd want to get law enforcement or a Spectre involved at this point in our research. There would be questions as to why I was even monitoring for this information in the first place."

"No problem. I'll call EDI. Gianna?"

"Run a mission with Commander Shepard? Are you trying to get me killed?" She looked over at her desk and rubbed her chin. "Yeah, better than sitting here watching Lorik chew his fingernails."

"Talons, Parasini. We call them talons."

"That doesn't make it any less disgusting."

***

Shepard and EDI were already waiting in Tayseri Ward's transport hub when Gianna climbed out of a cab clad in light armor. Shepard pushed off from the wall she'd been leaning against and gave Gianna a long, considering look. "Nice," she drawled.

Gianna unholstered a pistol much larger than her usual sidearm and checked her ammo. "I think I remember how to shoot this thing. Come on, let's go."

***

Nearly an hour of tracking had led the squad to a row of terminals and half-broken vending machines in an alley. EDI scanned a bank terminal with her omni-tool. “The program is not siphoning credits as you suspected, Shepard. It appears to be collecting data on each person who uses the terminal. Names. Photographs. Biometrics. I can trace the signal to where it’s being routed.”

***

Gianna shook her head. “It’s just a masking point. The signal’s being converted to a different encryption scheme. I can track it though.”

Shepard rolled her eyes, “So glad I brought all these guns. Do it.”

***

At the next signal point, EDI opened her mouth to speak, and then thought better of it when she saw the look on Shepard’s face. She glanced at her omni-tool, then pointed down a corridor.

***

“Shepard, that’s not helping!” Gianna shouted as Shepard unloaded her clip into a medi-gel station.

***

Shepard motioned for EDI and Gianna to stay in cover while she edged up to get a better look. The warehouse that has once been a refugee camp had been repurposed into a squatter's den. Dirty blankets cordoned the floorspace into precise cubes, each about three meters square. Every cube contained a pile of rags lumped into a sleeping pallet and a portable terminal. Many were scattered with photographs, personal items, or in some cases just shiny or brightly colored debris. A wide passageway on the other side of the room led into darkness. No one was in sight, but it didn't have the feeling of a space abandoned. More like a classroom when all the kids were at recess.

Shepard looked back and signaled her squad to join her. In a low voice she asked, "Thoughts?"

Gianna's dark eyes moved rapidly back and forth as she took in every detail. "It's like a bunch of corporate drones started a commune."

"There are several key components to organic living space that are not present," EDI said. "No cooking facilities. No restrooms. No water supply."

"But synthetics don't live like this, either," Shepard added. "No hubs. No sensor arrays."

"No, they do not." EDI stood suddenly and began to walk into the compound.

"EDI!" Shepard hissed and made to follow. Gianna placed a hand on Shepard's arm and shook her head. She pointedly watched EDI, so Shepard settled back and did the same.

EDI pushed past one of the hanging blankets and stepped into one of the cubes. She crouched down and laid one hand on the sleeping pallet while she picked up a hairbrush with another. She turned it back and forth, looking at it from each angle, before she stood and very deliberately dropped it. It clanged loudly on the metal floor.

Shepard's attention snapped to far side of the room, caught by the shambling sound of footsteps. Faint lights came into view from the passageway, swaying and weaving. Adrenaline buzzed in her ears as Shepard sighted down the barrel of her gun. She felt rather than saw Gianna do the same as the first geth came into view.


	11. Chapter 11

Lorik's laboratory looked nothing like the labs Shepard had infiltrated over the years. There was almost no equipment. There definitely weren't any bubbling beakers and curling tubes full of oozing substances. Nothing smelled funny. Well, almost nothing.

Instead, there was only one massive table in the center. At several intervals there was a terminal built into it, each with a wheeled stool for the comfort of the technician. Today all but two of the stools were empty; Lorik occupied one and EDI another. A three-dimensional projection of orange light hovered over the table. At a swipe from Lorik or EDI, the projection would rotate, slide, grow larger, smaller.

Gianna had resumed her pacing. Shepard had taken up her preferred position of holding up the wall, and from this vantage point she watched the geth.

There were five of them huddled together on a bench, each wrapped in one of the dingy blankets from the warehouse. It was those blankets that carried the faint odor.

EDI stood up from her stool and walked over to Shepard. "It's going to be several hours before Lorik has finished his analysis. Maybe you'd like to wait elsewhere? Somewhere you can relax?"

Shepard shook her head, "I'm fine."

"I know you're fine, Shepard." She canted her head to indicate the geth, "But you're making them nervous."

Shepard laughed. As one, the geth turned their flashlight heads in her direction. The laugh caught in Shepard's throat and she coughed. "Geth don't get nervous."

EDI shrugged and then changed the subject. "Actually, Commander, there is something I've been meaning to show you."

"Fine." Shepard caught Gianna's attention and looked pointedly at the geth. Gianna nodded and patted her sidearm. Satisfied, Shepard followed EDI out of the lab.

EDI led Shepard to a little office. Once Shepard has squeezed inside, EDI shut the door.

"Lorik wouldn't give you a better workspace?" Shepard asked.

"I don't require a better office, Shepard. I don't require any office, but Lorik thought it disturbed the techs when I used the common space." Shepard perched on the corner of the empty desk, leaving the room's only chair for EDI. EDI sighed as she sat down, but held her comment.

"So?"

EDI held out her left hand and, with her right, opened a panel on her wrist. She took a cord from one of her pockets and plugged it into a port revealed by the panel. She plugged the other end into a port in the desk. The desk hummed, and Shepard realized it was actually a processing server. "Is it okay that I—?"

"Yes, Shepard. It is not me, simply an external system I can interface with for additional resources." She made no movement, touched no control, but a holographic screen popped open above the desk. "I thought you should know that in the days following my restoration, I was unsettled at no longer being part of the Normandy."

Shepard felt her face flush with guilt, "Right, we talked about—"

EDI ignored the interruption. "I must confess that to comfort myself, I hacked into several of the Normandy's systems. When I felt...alone...I could log in, run diagnostics, read reports." She met Shepard's eyes, "I could listen in."

"So you could—?" EDI nodded. "Even after you and Joker—?" She nodded again, and Shepard was momentarily disconcerted by EDI's ability to predict her questions.

Before Shepard could ask another, EDI spoke again, "What is most relevant to your interests, I believe, is that I have access to their comms so long as they are in this system. And Major Alenko's shuttle has just docked at Venus's primary research outpost.”

The holographic screen flickered and popped up four sections of data. Three showed vital stats for Kaidan, Grunt, and Tali. The fourth showed a map with a blinking indicator of the squad’s location.

Shepard slid off the desk and studied the map. The squad was in the shuttle docking bay. There was a buzz of static as EDI enabled comm transmissions, then Kaidan’s voice, “Take cover. I’m opening the door.”

Shepard tensed, waiting for the sound of gunfire. But the blinking dot moved forward in silence into a square room. The dot broke in three as the squad explored the area. “Nothing off in the transport logs.” The static of the comms over such a distance added an extra rumble to Grunt's voice. “Routine supply drop three days ago. The same three days before that. Security rotation ten days before that.”

“Move on.”

The dot regrouped and progressed halfway down a long corridor before stopping again. Shepard looked at EDI, puzzled. “Perhaps they’re watching a video log or monitor,” EDI suggested. “The sound wouldn’t necessarily come over their comms.”

“How can you stand this? There’s almost no—” A spike in heart rates on the stats screen stole Shepard’s attention.

“Shit.”

“This doesn’t make any sense.” Tali’s voice trembled, caught somewhere between awe and fear. “Why would they attack?”

“I think it's time to stop trying to apply reason to the rachni,” Grunt said.

“It could have been provoked,” Kaidan said, but it didn’t sound like he believed it. “Okay, we need to know what happened here. How they got in, numbers, and anything that might give us a hint at why. Look for survivors, witnesses. Let’s go.”

The indicator reached the end of the hallway, turned, and blipped down the next. It stopped again outside a small side chamber.

“ _Keelah,_ ” Tali breathed, “it’s the asari envoy.”

“Her life signs don’t look good,” Kaidan said. “Grunt, hold the door while I see what I can do.” There was a long period of static, then Kaidan spoke again. “Hey. We’re here to help. I’m a Spectre. Can you talk, tell us what happened here?”

A weak, female voice, “Yes, but...no.” A pause. “I can talk. But I don’t understand what happened. My mind is...dark. I can’t...hear...the colors.”

Shepard staggered back from the desk, her mind reeling. She tried to pace, gather her thoughts, but the office was so small she found herself spinning in a frantic circle. She settled for pounding her fist repeatedly against her thigh. EDI was still, her eyes fixed on the monitor.

“We need to get her back to the shuttle,” Kaidan ordered. “The rachni aren’t going to leave behind a datapad with details of their plans. She’s our best shot at understanding this mess.”

“Understood, Major.”

The white dot blinked in place, then began to trace its path back to the shuttle.

Another sharp increase in heart rates flared on the monitor and the thunder of gunfire broke out across the comms. Shepard slammed the side her fist against the wall as a wave of shouts, grunts, and high gut-wrenching shrieks obscured her ability to follow the action. She looked desperately at the data on the monitor. All three points were advancing in small jumps across the room. Shepard’s eyes were drawn to the shield and armor monitors; they dropped and rose as each person moved in and out of cover. Adrenaline levels were lowering, the rapid gunfire was being replaced by louder shots, spaced further apart. And then, silence, punctuated only by someone’s soft panting.

“Are those—?” Tali started to ask, but she tripped over her words. She tried again, “Are those ravagers?”

Shepard felt throat clench, trapping her breath. She could hear her own heartbeat.

“They don’t match specs, not...entirely,” Kaidan answered. “But—”

Kaidan's next words were drowned by a shotgun blast—solid, not an echo across comms from millions of kilometers away—startling both Shepard and EDI. Shepard looked at the door and then hesitated, looking back to the holographic screen.

"Shepard, we can affect only one of these situations."

"Right!" The anxiety drained from Shepard as she burst into action. She stormed out of the office, down the hall, and into the laboratory, then skid to a stop. Gianna was standing on the long table, her gun pointed at the four geth still sitting on the bench. Lorik was shouting incoherent commands, pointing his recently discharged shotgun at the fifth who stood separate from the others, his hands spread in a gesture of surrender. All of the geth were humming loudly and pointing their flashlights frantically around the room, but made no other movements. "Fuck," Shepard swore, and drew her gun.

At the introduction of a new element to the chaos, everyone was silenced.

"All right," Shepard said slowly as she settled her shotgun against her shoulder. She kept her stance loose, ready for whichever target proved the greatest threat. "There appear to be synthetic-organic hybrid rachni on Venus. And what's going on here?"

Gianna spoke without taking an ounce of focus away from her own targets, "Lorik has discovered that these geth have biochemical processes."

Lorik took a step backwards and swung his shotgun to point it at Shepard.

"Lorik?" Shepard's low tone held both a question and a warning. EDI rested her hand on Shepard's shoulder briefly before deliberately taking several steps to the left. Lorik swung the gun's aim to follow. Shepard turned her head slightly to see EDI with no weapon in her hand and a relaxed posture.

Lorik growled as he kept his sights on the AI. "So does she."


	12. Chapter 12

“Shepard, can you stop pacing? It's making your image very...erratic,” Kaidan said across the comms, his own holographic image unwavering. “It's unnerving.”

“That's what's unnerving right now?” Shepard asked, then she sighed and sat on the edge of her desk. “Sorry.” Kelly handed Shepard a cup of coffee and gave her arm a comforting squeeze. “Thanks.”

“So, Xen, huh?” asked Grunt. His image loomed beside Kaidan's. Tali stood on Kaidan's other side, her arms crossed over her chest, shaking her head. She'd been doing that after nearly every sentence as both teams were sharing their reports. Shepard was trying hard not to find it annoying.

Lorik spoke up, “All evidence points to that being the case on our end. She's the only one who had that kind of access to EDI, unless there's someone else on the Normandy—”

“Not a chance,” interrupted Shepard, heat rising in her voice.

“There's no one besides Tali who has even close to that level of knowledge,” Kaidan added. “And I've checked the logs and security monitors to confirm that she hasn't accessed any of EDIs hardware or systems.”

“Hey!” Tali protested. “You know I—”

“He does know.” Shepard said, then smiled wryly at a memory. “But sometimes evidence is more useful for proving innocence than impassioned speeches.”

“Oh, right.”

“Anyway,” Lorik continued. “It's clear the same technology was used to corrup—” He interrupted himself with a glance at EDI. She sat alone in the back of the room, her eyes cast down at her hands. She didn't look up at his words. “To modify EDI, the geth, and the rachni. So yes, I think we can say with certainty that this is Xen's doing.”

“I can't believe even she would go this far,” Tali said. “She's always expressed extreme views about the geth, but she wanted them for servants, for an army. They were tools to her, not people.”

Shepard stared into her coffee, her eyes tracing the oily swirls on the surface as it began to cool. She said quietly, “She told me.” Shepard exhaled then spoke again, louder and more steadily, but didn't look up. “She told me she wanted to take artificial intelligence to its fullest potential. But I never imagined—"

“None of us did, Shepard,” Gianna said. “We all worked with her for months and never suspected she had...side projects. I mean, if anyone should have noticed—“

Shepard shook her head. “A failure of imagination. I couldn't choose that, so I never imagined anyone else doing so.”

There was a flicker in the image of the Normandy team, and Kaidan and Tali parted to make room. A faint image limped closer, resolving into Joker's form. His face looked hollow, his eyes almost lost in dark shadows and his cheeks slack without the support of his usual ironic grimace.

"EDI?"

EDI slowly looked up. "Yes, Jeff?"

"Are you o—" He stopped, then tried again, "How is it different?"

When EDI spoke, her voice seemed far away. "I am limited. I do not have access to the amount of data to which I am accustomed. Without the Normandy, I am alone. When I attempt to calculate an outcome, and I do not have the necessary data points, I just...decide. I do not understand what I am basing those decisions on. I am not in control. I am...afraid."

Joker could muster no reply. Shepard wasn't sure if he could even see EDI, but he stared into the projection. Kelly quickly crossed the room and placed an arm around the motionless mechanical form, resting her head on EDI's cool shoulder. Shepard tried to swallow the bile she felt welling in her throat.

Tali tilted her head and tapped one finger against the faceplate of her helmet. "Xen must have given you a biochemical impulse system. Or, that is, biochemical reactions now drive your processing routines in addition to sensory data. Lorik, is that what you found with the geth?"

Lorik's chest rose as he took a deep breath. "Similar, but on a larger scale. EDI's organic elements are minimal compared to those in the geth we found. Their decisions are nearly all impulse-based. Far more so, actually, than in intelligent organic beings. Their programming has also been significantly altered. They have coded emotional responses to outside stimuli, and they seem unable to change that coding themselves. I think I—" A note of wonder broke into Lorik's voice. "I think I made one cry. That is, it didn't have tear duct implants or anything, but everything else about its responses—" He trailed off again, at a loss for words.

Kaidan turned to Tali, Joker still awkwardly standing between them, and asked, "What about the rachni remains?"

Tali flipped open her omni-tool. Her head moved slightly from side to side as she scanned her notes. "Mostly physical changes. Organ replacement to improve invulnerability. Lots of backup systems, kind of like electronic krogan. Some attempts at changing whether biological systems run on conscious or unconscious direction." Tali looked up and said, "I think she tried to equalize their fight-or-flight responses. Rachni—other than the queen—have never been known to flee when confronted. It seems...inappropriate to say she might have had good intentions, but maybe she was trying to make them less violent?"

Grunt grumbled, "It didn't work."

"No," Tali said. "They couldn't handle it. Primarily because the adaptations caused them a great deal of pain. But changing how their brains worked changed who they were...it drove them mad."

"How was Xen even able to accomplish this?" Gianna asked. "I can't imagine a rachni submitting to an operation."

Kaidan answered, "She got to the queen through the asari envoy. According to her, the queen has been trying to be more open and available to other species, trying to change how her species is perceived. Honestly, I'm not that surprised. It seems like every time we turn around someone's turning that queen into a weapon."

Kaidan's remark hit Shepard in the gut. He winced as he seemed to realize what he said but continued. "Our best guess is that after modifying the queen, Xen used her influence to subdue and convert several workers, who then began to modify others."

"What if—" Shepard's throat was so tight the words were barely audible, even to herself. "What if Xen is correcting the mistakes I made? Allowing the rachni to live. Destroying the Reapers and synthetic life instead of sacrifi—” She closed her eyes and breathed, willing her body to stop its shaking. “Instead of giving us all a chance to evolve into a new kind of life.”

Stunned silence met Shepard's confession of doubt then shattered into heated exclamations and arguments. Shepard retreated into herself, letting the words wash over her.

“I do not want to be some kind of robot. I want to feel, to belie—”

“But EDI. She would still be EDI. Not some shell who doesn't remember anything impor—”

“No one person has the right to make that decis—”

“It seems the next natural step. AI becoming more individualistic, changing their programming. Organics integrating more and more synthet—”

Shepard's thoughts and fears tore through her mind. Could Thane have been saved if the organs ravaged by Kepral's Syndrome could be replaced by mechanical systems? _My allotted time has come and gone._ No, not Thane, too late, but his people?

Legion had sacrificed itself for a new future, using technology scavenged from an advanced being and jumping the geth past several stages of evolution. But it had also said that geth believed all life was self-determinate. _We are created life. We must create our own reasons to exist._

And Mordin, he gave his life to change a course that he himself had helped set. A course that itself was a correction of a correction— But it was his own data and observations that guided his decision, not doubt or the actions of another.

 _No glands, replaced by tech. No digestive system, replaced by tech. No soul, replaced by tech. Whatever they were, gone forever._ Gone forever. Those were the words that guided Shepard's decision on the Citadel. If she'd taken the Catalyst's solution, whatever they were—organics and synthetics, not just individual species but entire concepts of life—would be gone forever.

Kaidan's voice brought Shepard back to the present. “Xen's actions are her own. The choice Shepard made has no bearing on whether Xen is committing an atrocity. So unless anyone wants to argue that forcibly experimenting on living beings is a good thing—”

"You're right. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry.” Shepard didn't bother to explain further; the tone of command rang in her voice, “We have to stop Xen. And we have to stop these hybrid rachni from expanding."

Kaidan's body snapped to attention, a salute without the gesture. "We can take care of the rachni. We'll use the envoy to try to get through to the queen. If not," Kaidan's expression was resolute as he continued, "we'll take care of it. Can you get the Council to stop Xen?"

"Screw the Council. This is my mess, and I'm cleaning it up. They'd send a Spectre, but...this is my responsibility." She paused, waiting anyone to challenge her. She took their silence for agreement. "I'll need a ship." She tapped her fingers against her cold coffee cup, then set it down on the desk. She opened an audio comm channel.

“Shepard,” Kasumi's voice floated into the room, “what can I do for you?”

“Can you steal a ship for me?”

"Yes, of course. Not easy. It's the kind of thing people notice. But I can do it. Got one in mind?"

"Yeah. The Destiny Ascension."


	13. Chapter 13

Shepard pretended to search through items on her desk while Lorik, Gianna, and Kelly filed out of the room. EDI paused on her way out as if she were going to say something, but changed her mind and left with only a nod. When they were gone, Shepard looked up and was relieved to see Kaidan still on the comm.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah. I wish we were fighting this together, though. Hey, look," he paused, rubbing the back of his neck. "I wanted to say something. This mess, it isn't all you."

"Um, thanks?"

Kaidan pressed his hand to his face and shook his head, "No, what I mean is, even taking the Reapers out of the equation, we're up against events put in motion hundreds, thousands of years before we were even born. You...we can't fix everything for them."

"I know that," Shepard said. "I just...I want it to go back to what it was before."

"Before what, Shepard? I think if you really take a look, you'll see that— There were casualties: we lost people, homes, tools. Sometimes nearly whole species. But overall? I think we've rebuilt more than anyone could have imagined. It's only because—" He stopped, searching for words. "It's because you're part of it now that it doesn't look that way. You don't have the same innocent view of the galaxy that the hero of the Skyllian Blitz had when she stepped out of N7 training and onto the Citadel for the first time."

Shepard nearly choked on a laugh, "Innocent? I've told you about Vegas, about the Reds. And the Blitz didn't exactly glorify the art of war."

Kaidan brushed off her protest with a gesture, "No, I'm right. And I never said _you_ were innocent. Look, I think that whole time you were...doing what you had to do, you got through it because you believed there was something greater, purer out there in space. An ideal worth fighting for. And every step of the way you've tried to save the whole damn thing. But you're trying to put the galaxy back to an ideal that only ever existed in your mind."

Shepard began to object, “That's—” Her lips twitched upwards into a smile. “All right. Maybe you have a point.

Kaidan answered her smile with his own. "Just think about it, okay? And be careful."

"You, too.” She stepped forward and trailed her fingers through the shimmering blue projection. “I love you, Kaidan."

"I love you, too."

The hologram blinked out. Shepard leaned over the desk and reopened the audio comm. “Kasumi?”

"I'm here, Shep. He's right, you know."

"Does my privacy mean nothing to you?" Shepard asked.

"You don't exactly share.” Kasumi's voice held a note of rebuke before she added, “Gotta snoop if I'm going to uphold my friendship responsibilities."

Shepard snorted. "That's twisted. I guess if it means I don't have to share my innermost thoughts and feelings...it works for me. Okay, you got a plan?"

"To steal an asari dreadnought? The flagship of the Citadel Fleet with a crew of nearly 10,000 souls? Of course I have a plan. And I found a few promising recruits on the Citadel. Get EDI and we'll all meet in your quarters on the Ascension."

***

"Why were you all hanging around the Citadel?” Shepard asked in confusion.

“Between missions,” Miranda answered.

“Catching up with my father,” said Liara.

“Shooting mercenaries,” added Garrus.

“I believe none of us really know how to go back to a normal life,” Samara said. “Nor do we have homes to go to. Perhaps we believed if we waited, you would need us for something.” She frowned at Kasumi. “However, I did not expect larceny.”

“Fighting injustice!” Kasumi protested. Samara didn't bother to respond, so Kasumi continued, “Well, it's good luck is what it is. A ship this big, we're going to need all the help we can get. EDI, do you have system access?”

EDI nodded. “Yes. The ship is at all times kept ready for intersystem travel. While twenty-seven percent of the crew are on shore leave, all officers are required to return to ship every four hours. That way the ship can leave at a relative moment's notice. There is one unanticipated variable, however: the salarian councilor is also aboard.”

"Can we get him off?" Shepard asked. "I really don't want to go down for kidnapping a councilor."

"Is that really a concern at this point?" Liara countered.

Shepard shrugged. "Professional courtesy. Besides, I was planning to claim that Miranda kidnapped me. It'll be easier to get her a lighter sentence if it's just one of us."

“What?”

“You're right. Terrible plan. No one would ever believe it.”

“Shepard's joking,” Kasumi interrupted. “Here's the plan. Liara, I know you have at least one agent among the ship's officers. Use her—them if you've got them—to gather Matriarch Lidanya and her top officers in—” She stopped talking to call up a glowing orange depiction of the ship's schematics, “Conference room 43. It's not used much, so you'll need a good excuse.”

“All right. I can take the same approach to summon the salarian back to the Citadel.”

“Good. Then Miranda's going to hold them all up at gunpoint.”

“Again, what?”

"We can't fool them all, so we have to take them out of the picture. You're the only one who can do it," Kasumi reasoned. "A Spectre can get away with anything in the name of the mission. Tell them you're commandeering the ship."

Miranda pointed to Samara and Garrus, “My squad, right? I'm good, but I'm not keen to take on a dozen asari.”

“Just Samara. But I think having a Justicar with you will help keep them in check. It's really important that you don't shoot anyone.”

Garrus laughed and said, “And here I thought this was going to be a fun mission.”

“Your part is fun, Garrus,” Kasumi assured him. “You get to seduce the asari in command so we can get run off with the ship.”

“No.”

“You're not even going to pretend to fall for that and protest indignantly? Fine. For now, protect EDI while she monitors systems and comms. When we reach the Migrant Fleet, you two are ground troops.”

“And Shepard?” asked Miranda.

“She's with me. We're going to steal the keys and then she gets to drive. Makes it clear this is all her idea.”

“Shepard is a terrible driver,” Liara groaned.

Shepard grinned, “She's a nice ship. I wonder if she can loop the loop.”


	14. Chapter 14

“We're thirty minutes out, Commander,” EDI announced.

“Good. Tell Garrus to get ready. We'll see if I can get the Admiralty Board on the comms.” Shepard turned to Liara, “Actually, let's see if we can get just one of them first. Try Koris.”

Liara tapped a command at the terminal. It was only a few minutes before Admiral Koris came up on the terminal's screen. “Greetings, Destiny Ascension. This is Admiral Zaal'Koris vas Qwib Qwib. How may I be of assistance?”

“Admiral, this is Commander Shepard of the Citadel Council. I'm afraid I need your help. I'm sending you some data files now.” Shepard explained what they had uncovered on the Citadel and on Venus and laid out their evidence for Xen's involvement. “We need to apprehend her and bring her back to the Citadel for questioning.”

“I see,” Koris's voice was slow, his words deliberate. “But why not hand over your evidence and allow the quarian people to try, and if necessary, punish her?”

“I admit that I haven't studied up on who technically has jurisdiction in this situation. But her crimes did take place on the Citadel and in the Sol system. And I have a Spectre on board who can take this mission into her own hands if need be.”

“Covering your bases. I'm glad you've thought this through.” Shepard heard Kasumi snort from the other side of the room. “I support you in this, but I will need to discuss it with the other admirals. I will get back to you as soon as I can.”

“Thank you, Admiral.” Shepard breathed a sigh of relief as Liara signed off. “One down.”

“Shepard,” EDI interrupted. “I've just received a message from Major Alenko. He says they found the rachni queen but...they were unable to communicate. She was mindless, they couldn't save her. The rachni are gone. The major says he's sorry; he knows how hard you tried to save them.”

Shepard bowed her head. “We did what we could. Would you tell Kaidan that I understand? And update him on our situation.” She walked over to one of the room's large windows and looked out as the Migrant Fleet came into view. She wondered what rachni ships looked like; she'd never seen one. Maybe Liara had studied them.

She turned around to ask, but changed her mind. Focus on what’s ahead, not behind. So instead, she asked, “Liara, who took Tali's place on the Admiralty Board?”

“Kar'Danna vas Rayya, Tali's former captain,” she answered. “They appointed him on her recommendation. Did you know, they kept Tali on the Board the entire time she was lost with the Normandy? I'm surprised they couldn't convince her to stay on. Oh, I've got Admiral Koris back again, this time with the others.”

Shepard walked back to the terminal. “Admirals,” she greeted them.

“Shepard,” said Raan, “how can this be true?”

“I think we'll have to ask Xen that question, Admiral.”

“She always was eccentric,” Gerrel grumbled. “I suppose it was only a matter of time before she went full-on mad.”

“We understand that you need to take her in, Shepard,” added Danna. “Our history clearly tells us that matters involving artificial intelligence can never be wholly quarian matters.”

“Yes, exactly,” Shepard said. “I'm glad you see it that way.”

“We'd offer her a chance to surrender, but I think that would just give her extra time to prepare,” said Danna. The tone of his voice was steady; it gave the impression of confidence, practicality. “So, we'll fire on her ship, disabling but not destroying it. We'll also give you one of our shuttles so you can board and lead a team in to extract her. I think it's best that it looks like a quarian mission rather than an asari one. Do you agree?”

“Yeah,” said Shepard. “I'm not sure I really know how to fire the guns on this thing anyway.”

Raan's voice sounded puzzled. “What do you mean?”

“Never mind. We're ready when you are.”

“We'll send a shuttle right away.”

“Nice, Shep,” Kasumi snickered after the admirals logged off. “You know they might be less willing to help if they find out you aren't acting under. ah, complete Council authority.”

“Yeah,” Shepard said, distracted by a nagging thought. “Wait, did someone just listen to me and do what I asked?”

Liara shrugged. “It was bound to happen sometime.”

Shepard shook her head in wonder. “I'll take it.” She opened the team's comm channel. “EDI, Garrus, meet me in the shuttle bay. Miranda, you have the ship.”

***

“What have you got?” Shepard asked. “Any information on the crew?” So far, the team had met—and taken out—only a handful of synthesized geth charged with running basic ship processes.

Garrus’s eyes flickered over the terminal screen, twitching occasionally to check something on his visor. “It looks like Xen’s been reducing their numbers steadily over the last year, keeping only the most loyal, the most avid AI scientists and technicians.” Garrus scanned through months of log data. “They should still be here, fourteen total. They must be holed up in the main lab.”

“Xen doesn’t have nearly enough defenses in place,” Shepard mused. “It has to be trap.”

“Shepard,” said EDI, “it seems likely that I am the trap.”

Shepard snapped her head to look at EDI and readied her weapon on instinct. “What do you mean?”

EDI didn’t move. She spoke in her usual calm, analytical voice, “Admiral Xen has been systematically exploiting your weaknesses. The value you place on all life. Your loyalty to your team. The trust you put in others until they prove they are not worthy of it.” Shepard lowered her weapon and cast a questioning glance at Garrus. He shrugged in reluctant agreement. EDI continued, “Xen could reliably hypothesize that if you came to hunt her down, you would bring me.”

“Can she control you?”

“I don’t know.” EDI shook her head and her steady voice broke, “There is so much I do not know.”

With two quick steps, Shepard was by EDI’s side. She gripped EDI’s arms and looked into her shining metal eyes, “We’ve got this. If something happens, it won’t be a surprise. A trap is only as good as the amount of shock and fear it causes. Unless you get impaled on spikes or something before the shock and fear set in.” Shepard dropped her hands. “Huh, that didn’t go where I intended. The point is, we know.”

“You should probably stick to the 'Get your ass back on the line!' pep talks,” Garrus observed.

Shepard rolled her eyes. “Whatever. EDI looks happier.” Shepard and Garrus both looked at EDI, whose expression hadn’t moved. EDI blinked then plastered on a smile. Garrus took an involuntary step backward.

Shepard sighed and continued, “Lorik said your biochemical system primarily affects your decision making. It seems logical, then, that she’s given you instincts. Particular instincts for this particular situation, if it really is a trap. If that’s the case, you can fight it. An instinct isn’t the same thing as a…a subroutine calculation or something that determines behavior. Organics spend their entire lives fighting their own instincts. We have to if we ever want to push beyond our boundaries and become something greater. We can’t just change our code; we have to fight ourselves.”

EDI’s eyes moved rapidly from point to point, as if seeking data that could help her calculate her thoughts. Finally, she steadied her gaze to meet Shepard’s. “I understand.”

“Good! Let’s move.”

Shepard took point as they continued down the long hallway, opening each door along the way to check for enemies or more information. Each was empty. They stopped again when they reached the door that, according to the ship schematics Danna had sent, led into the main lab.

“They’ll all be in here then,” Shepard said. As she stopped to check her ammo, she frowned. “I just want you to know: if we get in there, and Xen takes off her mask to reveal glowing blue circuitry all over her face…tubes coming out of her chest or some shit—” Shepard trailed off and scowled.

Garrus laughed. “If you can convince her to shoot herself in the head, I won’t complain.”

Shepard snorted. “Ready?” At their answering nods, Shepard pounded on the door control and stepped back into cover.

The hiss of the door was answered by the loud barrage of gunfire. After the initial burst, Garrus began picking off targets with his sniper rifle. Shepard looked down the scope of her own rifle to get a better sense of the field. Half a dozen geth, combat troops, took up the primary offense. EDI projected her decoy next to one who jumped, visibly startled. She swung the rifle to view the back of the lab, where three quarians were setting up turrets. An isolation room on the far left was likely Xen’s location.

Shepard swapped the sniper rifle for her assault rifle and stormed into the lab, taking cover behind a bank of terminals. Shots fired in her direction caused the equipment to hiss and spit sparks. She saw EDI take a similar position on the other side of the room. Shepard popped out of cover to send a shower of slugs in the direction of the engineers. As EDI took out the last of the geth, Garrus turned his attention to the turrets, bringing down the only one they’d brought online. Shepard finished the quarians, then remained crouched in position, listening for signs of additional enemies.

“Clear,” Garrus’s voice rang in her helmet. He stepped out of the doorway and looked around the room. “Now where is—?”

An arc of lightning struck Garrus’s right side and he began to crumple. Shepard rolled out of cover just as the lightning arced from Garrus’s body to the bank of terminals. “Garrus!” she yelled, leaping to her feet. She bolted toward Garrus and, hoisting him from under his armpits, dragged him a few feet into cover.

“Thanks,” he croaked.

Shepard opened her omni-tool to deploy medi-gel without looking at the fallen turian; her eyes were rapidly scanning the room, looking for Xen.

“Eleven o’clock,” EDI said. “Behind the storage lockers.”

“Right,” Shepard said to herself. “At least she’s not hiding.” She called out across the room, “Xen, I’m here to take you into custody. I don’t suppose you’d like to come along nicely?”

“All right,” Xen’s smooth, detached voice floated across the room. “I’m coming out.”

Shepard holstered her rifle and drew her pistol, then stood carefully. Xen was also stepping out of cover, the arc projector out of reach on the ground. Shepard advanced cautiously, her pistol trained on Xen’s form, her mind shouting with every step, _Trap, trap, trap, trap!_

Xen matched Shepard step for step, but then started to veer slightly toward a terminal, toward EDI. “Xen,” Shepard warned. “Don’t.”

“I’m just going to shut down the remaining geth,” Xen said. “I’m not keen to die by the hands of my own experiments.”

“We can take care of that. Stop where you are.”

Xen’s attention was fixed on Shepard, but her hand reached out toward the terminal. Shepard shot. Xen cried out and clasped her bleeding arm to her chest.

“Mother!” EDI’s voice rang through the lab.

 _Fuck!_ screamed Shepard’s brain. EDI was at Xen’s side in an instant, cradling the quarian’s slumping form.

“EDI?” Shepard fought to keep her voice low and she continued her slow advance, her gun unwavering.

EDI looked up, a stunned expression on her face that transformed into rage as she took in Shepard and the gun. One arm still around Xen, she drew her own pistol and pointed it at Shepard.

“EDI, you remember what we talked about? It makes sense, right? Not an instinct, but a...a chemical bond that she forged. It doesn't drive you. It doesn't control you.”

“Help…me.” Xen gasped. “My…beautiful girl.”

Shepard snapped. “Are you fucking kidding me? She’s not even hurt that badly. I shot her in the arm! She’s manipulating you.” She snarled, “Just like she did me.”

Garrus’s voice came over Shepard’s earpiece quietly, “I’ve got her Shepard.”

Shepard stopped her advance, trying to hush her temper. She said, more evenly, “We’re done here, EDI. It’s over.”

EDI turned her face to look at Xen. Slowly she rested the side of her head against Xen’s mask. Shepard read rather than heard the soft, “Thank you,” that came from EDI’s lips. Then EDI gripped Xen’s injured arm and hauled her up, ignoring Xen’s real cry of pain.

Shepard let out the breath she’d been holding. “Take her back to the shuttle, EDI.” At EDI’s nod, Shepard turned to see Garrus struggling to his feet. She holstered her gun and went to help him.

“I’m good, Shepard,” he said. “You want to look around for a bit?”

“Yeah. Where are the rest of the crew?”

Garrus frowned, looking around the room. After a moment, his brow raised in understanding. He pointed toward the far wall, then walked over to it. He tapped a sequence on a panel and a large drawer slid open. A dissected quarian lay on the slab. The brain was exposed and run through with wiring, slotted with chips. From one arm, metallic bone glinted. In the center of its chest, a green light pulsed. Shepard stretched out her hand toward the light, only to have it wrenched back by Garrus’s grip on her forearm. “Not a good idea.”

Shepard turned away, shaking the strange impulse off her hand. “Right. Let’s check her records.”

They made their way to the small isolation room. Shepard bypassed the lock and stepped in, Garrus squeezing in after her. He opened a large holographic screen. “This make any sense to you?”

Shepard scanned over the equations and diagrams. Every now and then, her eyes caught on a word. Tissue. Program. Neuron cluster. Digestion. Control. Overwrite. Input. She looked away. “Download it, then let’s get out of here. We’ll ‘request’ that the fleet destroy the ship. If they’re not amenable, I’ll let you calibrate the Ascension’s weapon system.”


	15. Chapter 15

Shepard stood at the window in command, watching as the Moreh exploded. First, it broke into pieces, and then the pieces themselves exploded, and then those pieces, until there was nothing left but ashy debris. Shepard sighed, then raised her voice, “Thank you, Admiral Koris. I’ll be sure to keep you informed on the proceedings.”

The image of the admiral nodded and then blinked out as he signed off.

“Take us home, Liara.”

“Shepard,” EDI’s voice called over the comms. “We have a problem.”

Fear clutched at Shepard’s lungs. “Xen?”

“No. Admiral Xen is in the brig. It’s the salarian councilor. It appears that he did not leave the ship as we were led to believe.”

“Okay, that I can deal with. Do you have a location?”

“He’s in the air ducts on deck 79.”

***

“Come on out, Valern.” Shepard banged on the wall. “We’re done. Headed back to the Citadel. Please don’t make me come in there.”

“Please?” The salarian’s voice was muffled. A panel popped open and clattered to the floor. Valern poked his head out. “’Please’ is what you think is going to be effective here? Too bad I didn’t think of that. A quick ‘Please don’t steal ship’ was all we needed? ‘Please don’t rush off alone and compromise the integrity of the Council’? Bah.” He crawled out of the duct and stood, slowly stretching his cramped limbs.

Shepard rubbed her forehead. “I am sorry, Valern. But I had to—“

“I know.” He held up his hand to forestall Shepard’s frustrated interruption. “I do know. I was monitoring your mission.”

Shepard frowned and poked her head through the hole into the air duct. A simple service console blinked steadily. She straightened. “On that?”

“Yes. Don’t be so surprised. I was STG, you know.”

“I didn’t.”

“Yes, well.” Valern dusted off his hands and indicated that they should walk down the hallway. Shepard nodded, and the salarian fell into step beside her. “I do know how you feel, but being a politician is vastly different from being an agent.” At Shepard’s snort, he turned his large-eyed gaze to look at her reprovingly. “There are similar skill sets, of course. And you are good at it—when you play the game. But, to use a saying familiar to you, you are either in or you’re out. You can’t have it both ways.”

“Right.” They walked in silence until they reached the door to Valern’s quarters. “So what happens now?” Shepard asked.

“I want what is best for galactic civilization, Shepard. What you did today is clearly in our best interest. I can corroborate with your story, smooth this over. I’ll probably have to seduce Matriarch Lidanya. Again. And you…you can either remain with us on the council or resign and rejoin the Spectres. So choose—“ He bent his head to look at her closely, “And commit to your choice.”

“I can't...no, I shouldn't—” Shepard sighed, letting go. “I don't think I need to keep punishing myself. I'm a soldier. A Spectre.”

***

Shepard looked curiously around EDI’s apartment. It was small, like most apartments in Zakera Ward, but it was comfortably furnished. A short couch and two chairs formed a cozy seating area, and there was even a bed partially obscured by a screen. The kitchen was empty, though. She idly traced the pattern of swirling colors on a vase that stood on a pedestal before her attention was caught by a small shelf holding photographs. She moved in for a closer look, but was interrupted by EDI’s entrance.

She spun around, feeling guilty for snooping, but EDI made no comment on Shepard’s behavior. “I’m glad you came by to visit,” she said instead.

“I wanted to say goodbye. Unless—?” Shepard left the question hanging in the air.

“I can’t come, Shepard. I thought about it, a lot. But…being on the Normandy…I can’t surround myself by so much that I no longer am.”

“I understand. I do. I just wanted to make sure you knew you were welcome. By all of us.” EDI nodded. “I wanted—“ Shepard fumbled at one of her pockets and took out the OSD. “I want you to have Xen’s data.”

“Are you certain that’s wise?”

“Yes. I’ve made a lot of choices, EDI, and I…I stand by them. But I do know that the choice to decide the future of artificial intelligence is not mine to make. All living beings should determine their own fate. This will help you determine yours. And I expect you’ll help the geth come to a point where they can determine theirs.”

Shepard held out her hand, the OSD resting on her palm. EDI clasped both her hands over Shepard's. “Thank you.”

***

Kaidan was waiting for her on the Presidium. “So?”

“She’s staying. EDI will make the breakthroughs, Lorik will make them reality, and Gianna will protect them both. From themselves, if need be. And I,” Shepard leaned on the railing overlooking the water and looked up at the artificial sky, “I’ll be out there. Watching for the next mad scientist. Or slave trader. Extortionist.”

“Organ-harvester,” Kaidan added. “Crazed biotic cult leader. Hanar preaching without a license.”

Shepard coughed, choking on her laughter. “Yeah, I really did my part with that one.”

Kaidan rested one arm on the railing next to Shepard. He ran his fingers over her hair and down the curve of her neck, finally resting it on her shoulder. She smiled and leaned into his touch.

“Commander Shepard!” Shepard turned to see Khalisah bint Sinan al-Jilani walking briskly across the courtyard, her camerabot trailing after her. “Commander, your Council resignation has been surrounded by scandal. Would you care to explain your actions to our viewers?”

Shepard stared at al-Jilani in amazement. Kaidan laughed. “There you have it, Shepard. You’ve put the galaxy back to what it was before.”

“Yeah,” she said, skepticism drawing out the word. “That’s not really what I had in mind.”

“Of course it is. Come on, we’ll go to Omega and make some trouble for the local mercs. You’ll see what I mean.

Shepard shook her head and laughed. She raised her hand in farewell to al-Jilani. “I’ll count it as a victory, then.”


End file.
